Ask Chad Gay Sex & Dating: Bestie Crushes, Financial Freddys, & Bad BFs

Ask Chad Gay Sex & Dating: Bestie Crushes, Financial Freddys, & Bad BFs

Hello, Sexies! Well, I survived April Fool’s Day, but just barely. The day in question was a huge hookup app fail, so the joke was on me! Something was in the air that day, and I wasted the day on all the top apps just to talk to flakes, catfishes, and blank torsos. I ended up the evening with a pint of ice cream and Judge Judy reruns. Sigh. Fortunately, things have heated up since then, and I’ve had some stellar sessions. I think the warmer days are getting the gays hornier. Fingers crossed! How have your sex days been?

Keep those dating, sex, and love questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

 I met a new friend, and he’s really nice and so fun to be around. Our odd sense of humor really clicks, and even though we’ve only started hanging out, we just seem to get each other. We have a lot of the same interests in movies, happy hour, and hiking, and we’ve spent many days in a row seeing each other. I look forward to his funny texts, and I can’t wait to see him. But, here’s the thing, I don’t have any romantic or sexual feelings for him, I just really like being with him. I have no intention of dating him, I just feel like he’s a great new bestie. My best friend and I stopped talking a couple of years back, and I really miss that type of companionship. Lately, he’s been asking me about the kind of guys I like, he’s insisted on paying for stuff, and the last time he came over, he brought flowers for the house. I really get the feeling that he is feeling it out or thinks that we are dating. I just don’t feel that way about him, but I really like the friendship. What am I supposed to do?

Just A Bestie

Dear Just A Bestie,

We gays were given mouths for two reasons. First, to be great at giving blowjobs and second, to communicate. Open your damn mouth and in a very low key, non-chalant way, just say that you are so grateful for your time together and that you look forward to creating a great friendship. There, you put him in the friend zone in a very nice way. Or, try setting him up on a date with one of your friends. Or, ask him who he is dating. Just start the convo in a very easy way, he may reveal his true feelings for you, to which you can just respond that you really just want to focus on the friendship, and that you aren’t feeling dating feelings. It might be an uncomfortable moment, but the sooner you can get that over with, the sooner you can get back to building that friendship. Just keep in mind, if he is really falling for you, he may need some time to adjust his feelings. Being around someone you have a crush on can sometimes be hard to handle. So just give him some room and be mindful of his space. But don’t let more time go by without addressing it. The more he gets attached romantically, the harder it will be to focus just on the friendship.

_____

Hey Chad,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years. We haven’t had any need to get married or even move in together. We lead busy lives, and the time we spend together each week is great and just enough for us. On the weekends, we usually head out somewhere and spend romantic weekends together. We just bought a boat together, combining our funds, and that’s a fun project we’ve been working on together. Over the last couple of weeks, he has been a bit withdrawn and stressed out. We’ve been fighting about nothing, and then this last weekend, he finally let me in and let me know what was going on. He put $40K of his money into an investment deal that went belly up. I guess he’s been working on this business deal for a while, and he will walk away with some of his money back, but not all. Here’s the thing: we only have one bank account together that we use for the boat expenses. It was his money, but I also think a major investment like that should have been discussed. We have talked about buying some investment property, and this just sets us back. I just think it is odd that after 8 years, he wouldn’t have told me about such a huge investment from the start. I feel betrayed somehow, but is that valid?

Finance Freddy

Dear Finance Freddy,

Like that song goes, “You should have put a ring on it.” The facts are, it is his money, you aren’t married, you aren’t even living together, he can do with his money what he wants. He works hard, he can spend hard. I’m sure there are things in your life you just do without checking in with him, because it sounds like you both are confident in your together time as well as your separate time. Those are the facts. But, I can totally see where you are coming from. That is a big decision, and it is odd that he didn’t just let you know what he was doing, not until it fell apart. Maybe he was planning to surprise you with his investment, once it was successful? As with anything that goes wonky in a dating relationship, you just need to tell him how you feel. Yes, it isn’t your right to know everything about his financial situation, but you are making an investment together with the boat, and there is talk of investment property, so his large business venture probably should have been communicated, if only out of respect, not need, to let you know what was going on. But, if you are demanding to be let in more, maybe you guys need to take the relationship to the next level.

_____

Dear Chad,

My bestie has been dating this guy for about two years. They met, got together, and moved in together really fast because of financial issues. They were both in a situation, and moving in together was a necessity, not necessarily because they were so in love. They fight constantly. I don’t mean just squabble,  I mean really fight both physically and emotionally. They curse and tear each other down, and sometimes fists are exchanged. It happens weekly, and my bestie ends up crying and leaving the house and crashing on my sofa. I usually console him, then a day later, they are back together like nothing happened. I am so sick of it. This last week, I told my bestie he couldn’t come over and that he needed to dump this guy once and for all, or that I couldn’t help him anymore. I take the emotional grief from it, and my bestie continues to be treated terribly. I can’t watch it play out anymore. Now, he isn’t speaking to me. What do I do?

Bad BFs,

Dear Bad BFs,

Wow, in this kind of situation, you are actually ahead of the game when I hear about these instances. You have been there for your friend time and time again, but you also care enough about your friend that you can’t support him and his bad decisions. That is pretty mature and smart on your part. Sometimes you just can’t stop someone from making bad choices, but that doesn’t mean you need to enable them. I’ve been in your position before and, unfortunately, we are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. Your friend knows he is in a bad situation and is taking it out on you, rather than respecting your need to protect yourself and him. He may come around eventually, or he may not. You need to stay strong in your convictions and let him know you are there for him when he is there for himself first. Wow, that’s the most adult advice I’ve ever given. Do I get a cookie?

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