Gay Men & The Peter Pan Syndrome

Gay Men & The Peter Pan Syndrome

You're shaking your thing on the dance floor and then you bump into a gyrating fellow gay at the Afters. You look over and notice a silver-haired gentleman with a lot of Botox wearing a mesh shirt, oversized sunglasses, skinny jeans, a lot of rings, a gold necklace, and an army of twink companions that this guy is buying drinks for all night. Something doesn't seem just right. Is he trying too hard? Is he trying to act younger than he really is? Are these twinks just hanging out with him for free drinks? Well, he may be suffering from the Peter Pan Syndrome, something that has become a bit of a hot topic in the gay community.

Based on the childhood fairytale, the term Peter Pan Syndrome was first coined in 1983 in a book written by psychologist Dan Kiley. Basically put, it is an adult man who refuses to grow up, both in mentality and behavior. Aging in the gay community can sometimes come with pressures to stay looking and acting young to fit in and be accepted. Some of us gays are aging gracefully with moisturizers and maybe a bit of Botox, some of us are fighting it like Peter Pan fought growing up, and are dressing way younger than their years, and are getting so much plastic surgery, they look like a wax figure.

The personal dangers of having a Peter Pan Syndrome can be commitment issues, lack of responsibility, spending beyond one's means, and fake socialization. Spending tons of money at the club to impress a pack of twunks can be taxing, trying to live a life of instant hookups to reclaim an idea of youth can be lonely, and not being true to yourself in your own age makes you insincere and disconnected from reality. This doesn't mean that you have to wear cardigans and walk around with a cane, but you should be aware of certain things that you need to let go of as you age gracefully.

The Peter Pan Syndrome is a bigger issue in the gay community than in the hetero male community. As gay men, we have the pressures of body image, and there tends to be an assumed superficiality on value merely based on one's looks or finances. We know gays can be mean girls, and there can be an element of judgment from our own circle. That pressure increases as we age and feel that we are outgrowing the club-going age. Everyone has a place in the community, but seeing a gay mature in age falling over in fake Vuitton shoes in the middle of the dance floor because they drank too much isn't a cute sight.

The gay community also doesn't have the heterosexual pressures of marriage or having children, things that make someone settle down and be aware of their age. Without those familial pressures to remind us of our age, the temptation is to want to stay young forever, just like Peter Pan.

For some of us who came out later in life, we are still grabbing on to our youth and exploring our sexuality and identity in our later years because we missed out by staying in the closet for so long. We are reclaiming lost time.

Also a factor in regards in the Peter Pan Syndrome, is the fact that the gay community seems to honor youth. Our porn, our movie stars, our gay influencers generally come from the super fit, younger generation. That is what is being honored and revered. That is a lot to compete with.

Be proud of your age, be proud of who you are. Just like some of us had to conform to a hetero environment, hiding our true selves, some of us feel the need to conform to a youth-centric community. Be aware of your friendship circle, your current life goals, and other factors that may be indicators that you have fallen victim to the Peter Pan Syndrome.

What are other signs of the Peter Pan Syndrome?

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