Ask Chad Gay Sex & Dating: Mouthy Bitches, Grumpy Gramps, & Boss Bulge

Ask Chad Gay Sex & Dating: Mouthy Bitches, Grumpy Gramps, & Boss Bulge

Hello, Sexies! Well, how was your Valentine’s Day? Hey, this year has started off so weird in so many ways so don’t worry if yours wasn’t the best. Mine was…interesting. I was brought in as Valentine’s Day gift for this guy’s boo, but the other guy didn’t know about it and started crying saying that his boyfriend didn’t love him. Hey, I got a free bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates out of it! Ended up watching TV in bed with them instead of the men. Oh well!

Keep those dating, sex, and love questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

 I’ve been dating this guy who hums and makes clicky noises with his mouth. He is very hot, and at first, I thought it was a cute tick. But he does it ALL THE TIME. When we are driving, when he is folding laundry, when he is in the kitchen, when he is getting dressed, when he is choosing channels to watch…are you seeing the whole picture? It is so damn annoying and now it is all I hear like big echoes in my brain. I can’t even get excited in the bedroom because all I hear is that damn clicking and humming. When I tell him to knock it off, he laughs and says he doesn’t even realize he is doing it! I can’t stand it anymore. Help!

Mouthy Bitch

Dear Mouthy Bitch,

Wait, he does laundry and you are complaining? I hate doing laundry more than I hate mouth breathers and loud chewers…almost. LOL. The longer we are dating someone, the quicker their cute little ticks turn out to be huge red flags. I know what you are talking about. Here’s what I discovered in my own dating life. When a guy’s little habits started to annoy me, I had to realize that it wasn’t just about those habits. Things in the relationship just weren’t working for me, and my whole heart just wasn’t into it. I was using these little habits as excuses to get mad and want to leave, instead of dealing with the real issues at hand. This also happened when I was dating someone just for their looks. When a guy is hot and the sex is hot, we think it is a great relationship. But even the hottest sex can dull a bit, and we start to want other things from the relationship. If someone’s little habits like humming really get you annoyed, chances are you really aren’t that into him. Now, if it was someone’s loud snoring…that is totally merit to break up.

_____

Hey Chad,

My best friend has been with his boyfriend for 8 years. They still haven’t moved in together and they see each other about twice a week. It works for them and for me, I get to still spend a lot of time with my bestie. His boyfriend is older. He isn’t nearing the end, but he’s much older. Over the past couple of years, the boyfriend has started to get really grumpy about everything. He complains all the time and his newest habit is to complain about my boyfriend’s habits and oftentimes puts him down in front of other people. I can’t stand it. I also feel it isn’t my place to say something to the boyfriend.

Grumpy Gramps

Dear Grumpy Gramps,

It’s never cool and always a red flag once a boyfriend feels he can put down his boo in front of other people, or even behind closed doors for that matter. Your bestie obviously feels subservient to this guy. Whether because he is older, or because they have been dating for so many years together. It’s just like our own parents and grandparents, they get grumpy when they get older! Most times we just leave them to their own attitude, they have lived a long life, and they deserve it. But in a relationship, that is different. Your bestie has been dating this guy for so long, that he probably doesn’t see the gradual change. Maybe he feels like he can’t defend himself because his boyfriend is so much older and maybe a bit delicate. It isn’t your place to address your bestie’s boyfriend, but you certainly can address it to your bestie. Share with him some examples, he may be totally unaware, and tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable. See how your bestie responds. If it is an issue, he needs to stick up for himself and not put up with bad behavior. If your bestie doesn’t want to do anything, then you may need to stop hanging out with them until they get the message.

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Dear Chad,

My boss at work is a very fit, muscular straight guy. He’s just so hot and he knows it. He has a wife and family. But he comes to the office in some of the tightest suits and dress pants. When he takes his suit jacket off, his ass is perfectly sculpted by his pants and he has a HUGE bulge. It’s like he is doing it on purpose. And during a meeting or when he comes to my desk, he just seems to pose or sit on a chair in a way that purposely pushes it all out. I can’t help but stare. And sometimes he’ll come into the office from having worked out in bicycle shorts or short nylon shots with his junk clearly showing off. He has caught me staring but hasn’t said anything. I really do feel he is just trying to get a rise out of me, and I can’t stop fantasizing about him.

Boss Bulge

Dear Boss Bulge,

Ahhhh, those straight guy fantasies. Look, men love attention. And guys who work hard on their bodies obviously want to show it off. There are a number of straight guys who get off on getting attention from gay guys. To them, it is a testament that they are so hot, that even guys want them. Sometimes it is just about the attention, sometimes a straight guy is not that straight and gets a little showy and a little curious. But knock it off. First of all, he is your boss. Even if he was gay, chances of dating the boss and keeping your job are slim. But he has a family, you aren’t going to compete with that. There are plenty of hot muscle guys with big bulges out there. One just left my house, lol! Start jerking off twice before going to work so you aren’t tempted to look, stop paying attention, and focus on your job. Let this straight man get his jollies in the locker room like everyone else. We gays aren’t just toys for attention. (How big did you say his bulge was?)

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