Ask Chad Gay Sex & Dating: Witches, Uncles, & Broken Cupids

Ask Chad Gay Sex & Dating: Witches, Uncles, & Broken Cupids

Hello, Sexies! We have FINALLY reached the end of January, a day I thought was never going to come (just like my ex). This month seemed years long and so much bad news in the world it’s been really hard (not like my ex) to get through. The only solace I’ve had is enjoying the company of other men…we gay men better do it while we still can! The hookup apps have been on fire with activity! What kind of experiences have you been having?

Keep those dating, sex, and love questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

 My boyfriend has gotten into studying witchcraft. He made a new friend who makes a living being a psychic and actually owns a store with a bunch of witchy, paranormal, and new-age spirituality stuff. It started off as different and cool, but what started off as a fun tarot card reading has turned into an obsession with him. I didn’t mind using some sage around the house, I didn’t mind burning some incense, but now he’s brought an Ouija board into the house and has been reading book after book about the afterlife and the occult. Now it is getting out of hand and a bit creepy. He and his new friend go ghost hunting which I thought would be a fun hobby, but it is actually pretty odd. His demeanor has changed as well. He’s a bit darker, I think he thinks he is emo or something, and he won’t start talking about all this stuff, even to our friends at brunch. Am I losing him to the dark side?

Witch Bitch

Dear Witch Bitch,

Girl, you better write this down as a movie script and sell it to Blumhouse! Um, as someone who used to think was emo when I was younger, this is definitely a dark well someone can find themselves falling into. What people think of as cool when dealing with psychics and tarot can actually be a bit darker with some pretty heavy layers. Whether you believe in stuff like this or not, having an Ouija board in the house just brings bad energy in, even just the thought of it. As with any new thing, someone can be really into a hobby or interest, and eventually, it levels off to a normal level. This is new, and the world of the occult can be alluring, but it will probably fizzle out. But if not, maybe you should talk to him about the attraction of what he is getting into. Some gay men have found a lot of solace in delving into the paranormal because it can be a safe, open space of fellowship with others who are into it and don’t care about sexual orientation, class, gender, etc. The allure of the occult is that you feel a part of something. Gay men typically have felt like outsiders, and this may be offering your guy some solace. But, as with any new hobby, it can’t take over your household, no matter what it is. Set some boundaries while letting him explore. This is your house, too, and who needs ghosts running around rent-free?

_____

Hey Chad,

My uncle recently came out as gay. It was a surprise to all of us; he’s got a wife and kids (he is getting a divorce). He knows I am gay and I’m honored he has come to me for advice, but I also feel torn because I love his wife and my cousins, and I feel like talking to him or taking him to gay events is being rude to them. I don’t know how to explain it. It is like I feel like I’m helping him cheat on his family or something. I’ve taken him to the clubs with me a few times and he’s met some guys and is starting to grow his friendship circle. I’m glad for that, but again, I feel guilty.

Confused Cousin

Dear Confused Cousin,

Here’s the beauty of this situation. You can be both family to your uncle and your cousins and their mother. Coming out late in life with a whole family is extremely difficult and courageous. Can you imagine having to live in the closet for so long? Just like RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love anyone else?” Your uncle needed to come out, and you should be there to support him and help his transition to gay life. Especially in today’s day and age, we need to support our community on all levels. That being said, you can very much be there for your extended family. Make time for them, visit them, and offer to help out around the house, they probably have questions and thoughts that you might be able to help with, or at least be a listening board for them. This is a tough situation, but you don’t have to take sides, and helping your uncle become his true self is being true family. Can you imagine being older and fresh on the gay scene? There is a lot he has to understand and catch up on about our community, including mental and sexual health. We all could use a gay guide through life. This does not take away your love for your other family. You can actually be the bridge between the two.

_____

Dear Chad,

My boyfriend always tries to make Valentine’s Day perfect and over-the-top romantic. I have never been into Valentine’s Day and I am not overly romantic. I love our relationship, it is down-to-earth and simple, and it works. I cringe every holiday because he makes such an ordeal, and I never really enjoy it, although I enjoy the sentiment. He brings home a million balloons that end up in the trash, sends me a ton of flowers to work (I don’t even really care about flowers), and plans some couples massage and an elaborate dinner at a fancy restaurant that we have to get dressed up for (after a long day at work, I just want to take my suit off and relax). I don’t want to be rude, I don’t want to pop his happy gay bubble, but I just want to enjoy our time together in a simpler way.

Broken Cupid

Dear Broken Cupid,

Have your boyfriend call me, he can shower me with gifts! LOL. Why don’t you just be honest with him and tell him that you love all the attention, the thought, and effort but that you love him for just being him and that you just want to be together in a simple way? Why don’t you offer to take the reigns this Valentine’s Day? Send him flowers (he sounds like a romantic) and tell him to pack a bag. Just do a fun staycation at a local luxury hotel and order a fancy dinner in via room service. Decorate the room a bit with candles and flowers, and have your simple night in but elevated. You both get what you want! Adding the hotel aspect adds a little romance and sexiness!