You Wanna Do What, Now? Unlikely Kinks That May Be New to You

January 6, 2025
HANK ORSO

It takes all kinds, so they say. And some of those "kinds" may be so new to you as to be considered out of the question. Kinks. I'm talking kinks, here, and especially I'm talking about the lesser-known ones that may have you raising your eyebrows in surprise, maybe a little turned off while you get turned on. (Yes, that can happen!)

Yer boy Hank here isn't going to go into the origins of kink development, because the variables that lie behind why someone finds something arousing are about as vast as the amount of people being aroused themselves. Also, it's kinda boring, really. I prefer to think of it as one of the many beautiful mysteries of human sexuality. Why someone finds something a turn-on isn't as important as whether or not they are practicing their kink with concern for safety, and legalities, and without a sense of shame.

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A post shared by Alexander Cheves (@badalexcheves)

Alex Cheves, pictured above in a recent IG post with a favorite book of his, is a sex educator and writer, who recently compiled a short list for The Advocate of some rather exotic fetishes and kinks some of us are engaging in. I thought I would share just a few of the more...interesting...ones he included. To be clear, I present these with no intent to shame or mock. You do you, boo, as long as it's Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Sure we all are somewhat familiar with paraphilic extreme youthplay (the wearing of training pants and baby roleplay) or sthenolagnia (displays of large muscles and strength). Hell, even Phil Donahue did an entire episode about it back in 1991!

But did you ever hear about...

Forniphilia

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Otherwise known as the human furniture kink, this is much more of the BDSM realm wherein a person gets off on being used as, well, a piece of furniture. Sat on, stood on, laid on, however creative you and your dom get! This one is definitely about submission. Some of us enjoy moments of submission because it's a breaking down of the self, a reduction of oneself, possibly as a way to escape the mental strain of simply being human. What better way to reduce oneself than to roleplay not being human? If you're into water sports as well, you could argue that you enjoy playing the part of the urinal!

Dendrophilia

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The love of trees is taken to an erotic state with dendrophilia. This one is definitely new to me, but I can wrap my head around the appeal. I'm attracted to men who are blue-collar, larger, solidly built; and lord knows I love a good romp in the woods! The idea of cozying up to a thick, hard trunk, finding the right hole, and, well. Letting nature take its course, I guess, isn't that far of a stretch.

Emetophilia

This one might make you lose your lunch if you're lucky! Yes, it's the fetish for upchuck: watching it, doing it, or having someone throw up on you. I'm being good and not posting the video from @pervertmedia, so just click on the pic above if you're interested. I was surprised by the amount of positive comments on this and similar videos. But then, I shouldn't have been. Those dudes are friggin' hawt AF! So, true story: decades ago, I was living in Chicago, and I went to my local video store and check out a tape called "Hot Lunch Duo," The box didn't really describe much of what happened in its contents; I just saw two hot bears with messy t-shirts. Yup, turned out to be that kind of fetish video. I'll admit to being kinda disgusted by some of it but also fascinated. I watched the entire thing, trying to figure out what was real and what was staged. Besides, as I said, the guys were so physically my type that I was able to sort of ignore what they were doing and just focus on the men. It was memorable, I'll give it that!

Claustrophilia

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You can say this is the opposite of claustrophobia, the fear of tight spaces. While some eschew being in crowded spaces, or tightly confined or bound (think: a full elevator or MRI machine), there are others for whom this condition is pure bliss. I will admit to enjoying the close, sweaty press of bodies at a concert or a crowded bar, and I've had experience with the calming effects of expertly applied rope bondage. Ia it a fetish of mine? I don't think so; I don't seek it out as a way to become aroused. but I have to say, it doesn't bother me in the least! What about you?

Mechanophilia

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As you can easily guess, this is the overt love of mechanical objects and machines, very often cars. We see this in pop culture often, the hot guy or girl spreading themselves over the hood of a shiny vehicle. But it's easy to see, especially with AI art and some anime, the overt combination of the mechanical and the sexual. Do you fondle the gearshift just a bit too longingly? Does Tony Stark bore you, but Ironman get your engines revving? Does the following image make you wanna reach for the oil can?

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I would argue that mechanophilia is one of the more prevalent kinks in pop culture, while still remaining "underground." We engage in it or are affected by it without actually realizing it for what it is. Erotic art and photography involving sexy beings and machines are just a simple search away on Instagram. The 1973 novel Crash by J.G. Bollard is a cult favorite, taking the love of cars one step further with a story of a group of young people aroused by car crashes. Filmmaker David Cronenberg has crafted a career with the theme of blending the mechanical with the sexual: Videodrome, Dead Ringers, eXistenZ, Crimes of the Future, and yes, the film version of Crash all involved the eroticization of the mechanical in the guise of "body horror." Throw in other movies like Her, Blade Runner, The Stepford Wives, or Ex Machina and you have a veritable genre of films involving relationships between AI/machines and humans.