Gay Dating: Getting To That Second Date!

October 24, 2024
ALEXANDER

Gay Dating: Getting To That Second Date!

This last week, our gay dating and love guru Chad addressed someone who couldn't get past the first few dates. That seemed to open the floodgates as many of others of us gays have dealt with that same issue. What when wrong? How can you guarantee a second date? With the dawn of hookup apps and social media, the culture of gay dating has changed. Here are some of our thoughts to get you out of being ghosted after Date #1.

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It's All About the Chat

The first conversation in gay dating is so important. We know that sometimes we are addicted to scrolling on our phones, we rush a convo, we are distracted by the other guy across the room, the list goes on and on. Put your phone in your pocket and stick to actively listening. Make sure the conversation is 50/50, ask open-ended questions, and don't make it all about you. And, for goodness, sake, do some prep work. Talking about the weather, what's on TV, or where you work out are all boring questions. They are mundane and most times we have our canned response. Find out about their hobbies, funny childhood stories, coming out stories, their hobbies, and other aspects of their life. But go in and have some conversations in your pocket in case the chatter stalls. Make sure you are paying attention to what they are saying instead of just thinking about the next thing you are going to say. And for sure as hell, don't talk about how messy your last breakup was. Talking about exes is not really necessary on a first date. Also, keep the chat positive, don't dwell on things in life you find negative. Sharing your life passions can tell you if you are compatible or not.

Avoid the Bars

There's a lot of gay dating happening in the nightclub/bar scene. We recommend against having a first date in any of those settings. First of all, things can get loud in the club and conversations may be difficult. Also, with the bar scenes comes drinking. Having a couple of drinks is ok, getting sauced and slurring your words is not cute. Also, hanging out in the nightclub scene can often lead to running into that hookup you had last month. Awkward!

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Mix It Up

Dinner and a movie are probably the most common ways to go on a real date. During a movie, you can't talk, so what's the point? Mix it up a little. Hiking, art exhibits, local fairs, or even flea market shopping are different things to do. Look at your local news website and see what events are happening. Doing something different for a first date will set it apart and encourage you both to engage in a different way.

Sex Can Wait

Yes, we know, in gay dating you want to sample the goods before you decide to go any further. But abstaining from sex allows you to focus on other aspects of your date. A hookup app can be hot, but when you get to know someone a little bit better it can increase that first sex experience.

Set Your Intentions

Say what you want. If the date is ending and you want to go on another date, ask them right then and there. It saves that will he or won't he text energy, and if there's no interest on his part, no harm, no foul. It's also to share what a great time you had or how much you'd like to see them again. Just don't be creepy about it. Also, if things are going well, set your intentions and make a joke that you don't do first-date hookups. Confidence is sexy, say what you want.

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Don't Play Text Games

There is no set time to wait to text someone after a first date. Some of us gays play games with waiting periods so we don't seem too eager or too easy. If you are interested, it's cute to ask them to text you when they get home safely. Or text them the next day saying you had a great time. But don't get finger crazy, you don't need to send a million emojis or messages to show you like them.

Be Real

If you don't eat at five-star restaurants or wear fancy clothes on the regular, don't do it on the first date. Show them who you really are, don't portray something that is not sincerely you. If the dating continues, they are going to find out the real you anyway. If you are real, and he is being real, you will know in the first chunk of the date whether there is some interest and potential.