Navigating the Bathhouse: Do’s and Don’ts

Navigating the Bathhouse: Do's and Don'ts

Even before gay bars, men have been gathering at the bathhouse since the dawn of time. First thought to have started in the Neolithic Age when tribe members would gather in the hot springs, public bathing has been a fixture in many cultures, becoming very popular in the Roman Empire around 300 BC. Turkish, Russian, Japanese, Korean, and Native American cultures all have their version of a bathhouse. We know that gay culture has evolved the bathhouse into a gathering and cruising place, most times engaging in illicit activity, which can be liberating and thrilling. Still, some of you gays out there have written asking about our advice on going to such an establishment for the first time. So through stigma to the wind, and indulge in your bathhouse fantasy, we are gonna give you the do's and don'ts.

First of all, is your check-in. Most places have a membership and entry fee, that's how they get you. The membership allows you access and the entry fee is paid each time you want to go in. You will need to show ID, so if that makes you nervous, sorry. Don't bring much stuff with you, they will more than likely check your bag, and for heaven's sake, don't try to sneak in alcohol or anything illegal, this will get you banned. A small fanny pack, although not fashionable, is good enough to keep your essentials in. Some places will even have lockers to keep stuff in. Almost 100% you aren't allowed to bring a phone in, we don't recommend leaving them in the locker either. Leave it locked out of sight in the car. You can bring your own lube and condoms if you are particular to a certain brand. Also, tell your gay bestie where you are going in case you mysteriously disappear. LOL, mostly kidding.

 

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If you are squeamish about walking around completely naked or just in a towel (they provide the towels), check the dress code before heading in. Depending on the bathhouse, they will let you walk around in underwear, swimsuit, or covering, some have a strict towel-only (or less) policy. So be prepared to bare it all. And don't be shy, that's what guys are going there for.

Don't stare and don't worry about being stared at. Again, through caution to the wind. Even though most bathhouse ads have hot, muscled guys on their posters and flyers, this will not be the norm. You will see every body type, every age, every size dick, hot asses, and not-so-hot asses, and though you will glance at guys, no one walks around staring because all are welcome. So if you are on the bigger side, or if you have a small dick, or man boobs, don't worry, there are plenty of others there too. No one cares as much as you think. If you are looking for a certain type, or if you are popular as part of a certain tribe of gay, often a bathhouse will have a themed night or special discount for younger or military.

 

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The layouts will vary but most spaces will have common areas like a pool, sauna, hot tub area, and sometimes a TV-type lounge for casual sitting and relaxing in between sessions, and most often, there will be little rooms that vary in size that you can rent out. This is where most of the sex action will take place. You can enter someone's room (they will usually be ass up) or you can host your own. If it is your first time, spend some time unwinding in the common areas and putting your anxiety at ease. You will see men cruise each other and if so inclined, follow them to see where they head to for some action.

Going to the bathhouse is not an immediate guarantee for sex. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it is just a few men sitting and staring at each other in the sauna without anyone making the first move. Every visit will be different and most times, it is not a quickie experience.

 

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This is probably the most important - be able to read the other guys. If a guy you like continues to stare at you or catch your glance, he is into it. Don't be afraid to make the first move. If the hot twink you see doesn't catch your glance or pay attention to you, leave him alone. If someone wants to cruise you, you will know, if they don't, then you will know. Don't force anything or make someone else feel comfortable. You'll find certain guys and, hate to say it, mostly the really older guys won't take no for an answer and will try and put themselves in the mix. No means no, and that's final. Don't be the creeper, but also be open to reading indications from someone interested in getting to know you more. Most guys don't engage in actual talking, it is mostly signals, so be able to pick up on those easily.

 

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If you are super nervous about going to your first bathhouse, take a friend. Just don't go hunting in a pack, that makes it uncomfortable for others. But in any case, don't be shy. This is part of our culture and can be fun. Let us know how it goes!

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