Ask Chad Love & Dating: Beards, Besties, & Moaning Men

Ask Chad Love and Dating: Beards, Bugged Besties, & Moaning Men

What up, Sexy Bitches? We survived another dating week, can you believe it? Did you all watch the DNC? Why didn’t anyone invite me to go? I’m in the mood for a tasty, older, Democrat politician that can keep me in the lifestyle that I am accustomed to. LOL!

Keep those questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

My boyfriend is in the process of growing a beard. I think he’s going through a somewhat-life crisis. He spends so much time shaping it and shaving it down to the perfect angles, he spends more time with his beard than he does mowing the lawn. I’m just gonna be honest. I love him, I hate the beard. I think it looks awful, I hate the way it feels, and it makes him look like my parent. I’m dating a young gentleman, not Santa Claus. Every time he leans in for a kiss, I turn my head.

Beard Barf

Dear Beard Barf,

Number one, that is the craziest sign-off name I’ve ever received. LOL. Beard Barf. You win. Anyway…it sounds like this beard is really getting to you! Look, our boyfriends always pick up a hobby that bores us, watch a TV show we hate, or gain a few pounds here and there. That’s part of long-term dating, dearie. It sounds like he likes his beard and he likes the way he looks in it. And I’m guessing you aren’t the bottom, because a well-kept beard on your hole while he’s rimming can feel sooooo good. I digress. Yes, sometimes a bear feels scratchy while making out, I will give you that. Have you opened your big mouth and told him you think he looks better without it? Are you just afraid that he looks older? It seems like you have some deep-rooted hatred of beards, so maybe figure that out. You can make a few jokes here and there about how you are dating an older man now, or how young he used to look and see how he responds. Our personal appearance is just that, personal. Sometimes a different haircut or a certain shirt or growing some stubble can make us feel better about the way we look. Think about him and how happy his beard makes him feel. Are you making him feel confident? Are you making him feel attractive? The beard could be a temporary thing or it may not. If you truly care about him, you’ll just let him be happy. Now let’s talk about that outfit you are wearing, girl!

_____

Hey Chad,

My bestie and I have been friends for almost 15 years. He’s been with me through thick and thin, really fun times, and times when I’ve been through a lot. He’s always there whether we are just watching stupid movies at my place, or if we are traveling around the world, or if we are hitting the clubs, he’s so much fun and we never fight. Through my breakups, he’ll be the first one at my doorstep with vodka and McDonald’s. As great as he is in all of those areas, he never remembers my birthday, he never exchanges gifts, he never remembers important moments or dates, like my mom’s passing, or anything like that. This last birthday bugged me, he knew what week it was, and I had a birthday party and of course he showed up, but he didn’t even bring a present or a card or anything. The same thing happens at Christmas. I always put thought into getting him something special and most times he doesn’t reciprocate or he’ll just pay for drinks and say “Merry Christmas!” And when I get depressed around the anniversary of my mom’s passing away, or Mother’s Day, he can never understand why, he just doesn’t put it together. I know the anniversary of his big breakup, I know his birthday, I know the year he passed the bar, like all of it! It just bugs me.

Bugged Bestie

Dear Bugged Bestie,

Jesus, man. Get a grip! His friendship is your goddamn gift. Do you know how hard it is to find a real gay bestie who can share life like he has with you? What’s in a date, what’s in a stupid gift? He is there for you when you need it. So he’s not so good at details, the thing is, he is there for you unconditionally. If you have to remind him about a certain time, so be it, and he’ll be there for you. Pay attention to what he’s actually giving you and not on some material stuff. Are you returning his gift of always being there for him? Or are you just giving him a fancy watch and calling it a day? Maybe look at what you are offering. Also, if you really want to buy gifts for someone, I’m available. I put out.

_____

Dear Chad,

I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks now. I like him and we have amazing sex. Like truly amazing. But he is LOUD! I don’t mean he moans and groans in a sexy way. Like, I’m talking he screams and grunts like a banshee. It is so loud I know everyone can hear it and my neighbor looks at me odd now. When he gets that loud part of me thinks he’s faking it, though he’s not because of the gallons of cum, but it really takes me out of the moment. And now, because I’ve joked about it with my circle of gays, I get the giggles when he gets loud. It’s just ridiculous and it’s making me not want to have sex with him, but it is really good! Help!

Moaning Man  

Dear Moaning Man,

Oh, the load guy in bed syndrome. LOL. We’ve all been there. While expressing hot sex vocally can be very hot, it can be distracting. You must be great in bed (send me your number). Just like he is using his vocal cords, use yours and ask him if he could quiet it down a bit. While you should never shame anyone in the bedroom, if it is taking you out of the moment, then it is affecting your hookup experience as well. You can always try playing music to mask his yelping. Or when he starts shouting up a storm, cover his mouth with hot kisses. Really hot sex is, pardon the pun, hard to come by, so make it work. Or send me his number too, I have soundproof walls.