Ask Chad Love and Dating: Cockblocks, Bible Thumpers, & Bromances

Ask Chad Love and Dating: Cockblocks, Bible Thumpers, & Bromances

Hey Sexy Bitches! Did all of the Olympic coverage get anybody else all hot and bothered? Damn, these Olympics were pretty gay and I’m living for it. Especially that British team in their Speedos. Does that make me a traitor? Damn, those boys are hot. I’m sad it’s all over, it gave me something to look at. Now, I’ll actually have to leave the house to go see some VPL.

Keep those questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

My best friend is a cockblock. That’s the long and short of it. We’ve been besties for over 10 years and it has always been the same. No matter who I start dating, even if it’s just talking to a random guy at the bar, my friend swoops in and somehow manages to go home with whomever I’m talking to, chatting with, etc. He’s handsome and he’s got a very funny personality, so I see the allure. But it’s every goddamn time! Somehow the attention always turns to him, somehow these guys always end up flirting with him, and somehow he always bags the guy. Without fail. I literally don’t have a chance when he’s in the room. What am I supposed to do?

CockBlocked

Dear CockBlocked,

Oy, your best friend is THAT guy. LOL. It’s usually me that gets all the attention, although it’s because I’m usually sitting ass up at the bar. But I digress. Some gays just have a natural, intoxicating power that turns heads and gets dicks. I’ve seen it. Here’s the thing, we all have the potential to be that way. Sounds like you need to up your confidence, stand up straight (or gay), and defend your territory. Sounds like you let your best friend just bulldoze over you so no wonder he walks away with the guy. First of all, tell him as you order your first drink that any guy you pick up is yours and he needs to eff off. Make a little joke of it. If he is your bestie, he will back off and let you have your fun. Maybe he doesn’t even see that it bugs you because you let him walk all over you. If you are chatting with a boy and he starts dominating the conversation, tell him to go get the other round and take that moment to regain the conversation. Don’t let him step in. If he continues to dominate, tell your crush you’d like to chat with him a little more privately and take him to a different part of the bar. If your friend continues to step in, it’s time to start going out with other guys or even by yourself for a bit. Don’t let your bestie be a wreckie. Stick to your guns, up your game, and mark your territory. He needs to respect your dating circle.

_____

Hey Chad,

My partner of 6 years has found Jesus. We’ve known each other for ten years and during that whole time, we have never been religious or gone to church or anything. We haven’t even talked about it. About three months ago, his best friend invited him to a gay church sing-along event. It’s not my thing so I didn’t go. Well, he met a new group of guys and apparently fell in love with the church and started going to weekly services. At first, I thought it was cute that he was getting dressed up to go to church and was doing his own thing. I took the time to go to the gym and watch Drag Race (he can’t stand it). I think it’s healthy for couples to have their own things. But over the last month or so, it has almost become an obsession. He started putting bible verses up around the house, he has started praying before each meal, he talks about Jesus all the time, and he’s turned into a bible thumper! It is also affecting our sex life. We used to be a bit nasty and naughty, sometimes inviting other guys in, and now all of that is off the table. We have quiet missionary sex and I know it is because it is more wholesome and holy. He is now reading the bible at night. It’s really bothering me and I can’t figure out why. I want no part of it.

Bible Humper

Dear Bible Humper,

Jump for Jesus! Maybe you aren’t seeing clearly. Some of the statues of Jesus are really hot, he’s got the abs! Ok, before I get struck down by lightning, let me empathize with you. I tried dating someone who was really religious. Because of my past in the church and my own experiences, I don’t want anything to do with religion. It just didn’t work out for me, I always felt like a sinner around him and we stopped dating. Here’s the thing, this new venture of his is clearly fulfilling some need in his life that he has embraced. Like going to the gym and watching Drag Race is your safe space, quiet time, personal retreat, his church time has become that. You guys have been together for so long, that you probably feel a little cheated on because this was not part of his personality before. You probably also doubt the validity and sincerity of it. I don’t know what your childhood experience with church or religion was, but it sounds like you want to avoid it at all costs. But, here’s my advice. I think you should try going to church with him sometime and just see what it is all about. See what he is getting from it that he wasn’t getting before. Putting bible verses around the house and changing the way you have sex is a little intrusive though, as it is affecting your space. Talk with him and see what the motivation behind it is and deal with that first. But you have to at least try and take part in what is making him happy. If, after trying to see his perspective, you are still put off by it, then you need to draw some rules up for the house. That house is your space too. Tell him how it makes you feel. You don’t need to jump for Jesus, but you also need to try and see where he is coming from. Not to scare you though, I have seen life changes like this split up couples. Best to deal with it now and talk about the root of where both of you are coming from when it comes to church.

_____

Dear Chad,

I have been dating the security guard at work for about three weeks now. Well, I think we are dating. I work at a hotel on the night shift and noticed the new security guard right away. He’s tall, handsome, and has a great attitude towards life. There’s a lot of downtime during the night shift so we just started chatting more and more, I couldn’t tell (and still can’t tell) if he was flirting or whatever. Two weeks ago, we started having our meal break together every day. Here’s the thing, we walk out separately to walk down the street to the open café, I don’t know if that’s for the other employees not to see or what. We take turns paying for each other. We have great chats, but we don’t really talk about sexuality or anything, but he is familiar with all of the gay clubs in town. Not sure if that is because he works at some of them as the security guard or because he goes there. He knows I’m gay. We finally made plans to hang out on our day off. We picked a place to meet and after waiting for an hour, he called and said he had a family emergency. We saw each other two days later, and we had our meal together, and then after we caught the last call at the local gay bar. He didn’t seem phased by the atmosphere and we had a good time for the short time we were there, but no goodbye kiss and no talk of being gay. I’m going crazy. Are we dating or what?

Bromance

Dear Bromance,

This question is giving me a headache. We are done going after the “is he or isn’t he?” guys. No one has time for that stupid shit. He knows you are gay, if he hasn’t mentioned it about himself or made a move, he either likes a free meal, likes your company as a friend, or is in the closet or confused. Here’s an out-of-this-world suggestion…JUST ASK HIM. Duh. What the hell are you waiting for? All you have to say is, “Hey! You date boys or girls?” and that’s it. So simple. Stop dancing around eggshells and investing your time in someone just because you have a security guard crush. It’s 2024. Think about all this time and energy you could be putting towards someone who can clearly state their intentions or share their life. If he is in the closet, are you up to all that drama and hand-holding that comes with it just to get him in bed? Could you see a future with someone who can’t even share simple facts about their life? Move on, girl. Be bold, value yourself, and find out if he likes the hot dog or the bun.

Check out all my dating and relationship advice, it's a hoot!

Email me! [email protected]