Ask Chad Love and Dating: Bored Gays, Bears, and Baby Reindeers

Ask Chad Love and Dating: Bored Gays, Bears, and Baby Reindeers

What up, Sexy Bitches! Is it me, or are guys starting to want to talk A LOT on Grindr? It used to be, message, send nudes, pick time, hookup. Now it’s message, message, message, message, phone call? WTF? What happened to the good ol’ fashioned quick hookup? I’m not Oprah, I’m not running a talk show!

Anywayyyy, keep those questions coming in, Sexy Bitches, I love reading them! Just like my Sniffies profile says, nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

I just feel in a rut. I’m getting bored of my friends, I’m getting bored with our every weekend of the same going out to the same places, drinking too much, talking about the same things. I’m also in a rut at work, there’s nothing wrong, I like the job, but I’m just not motivated and I find myself calling out just so I can stay at home and watch TV. I’m just bored of everything. Even hookups. Bored. How can I mix things up?

Bored Brad

Dear Bored Brad,

Gurrlll, we’ve all been there. Doing the same thing week after week can instill complacency which instills resentment toward life and pollutes everything we do. There could be a few things going on. The most fun way to jumpstart a boring life is to take some time off. Depending on your finances and how much vacation time you have, take a week or so off of work and go travel. Go to a dream destination, go to somewhere local, just get out and go by yourself. You’ll rediscover yourself and experience something new and by being gone and removed from all the usual things in life, you’ll get a new perspective and maybe a reboot. But really, go by yourself. That being said, unless you have a sugar daddy or are well-paid, that may not be an option. Some people stay do a staycation and you can get the same results. That’s not true. You need to remove yourself if you can. Ok, if that’s not an option. I really suggest adding a vigorous workout and fitness change into your life. This sounds lame because who really likes to work out? But trust, it will change things up, change your energy, change your schedule, and don’t just go to the gym. Try hiking, try cycling, try swimming, change things up, and go do it outside. Or even adding a dance workout. The sweat and heartbeat will take your mind out of its routine. Adding this element may even replace some of those going out and "drinking too much" times, even though doing that for fun in moderation is also needed. If that doesn’t strike your fantasy (at least try it for two weeks), get a goddamn hobby. Always wanted to paint? Always wanted to crochet? Take an improv class. Get off your ass and do something different but actually do it. This will pivot your mindset, and give you a release from the boring same things each week. Something else you can do is start volunteering for a non-profit around you. You’ll meet new people, put your energy towards something greater, and will mix things up. Ok, those are plenty of options. Medically wise, maybe go have your depression checked or even your testosterone. These can also affect energy levels and outlook. If all of those fail, let’s hookup. If that doesn’t change things up, I don’t know what will.

_____

Hey Chad,

I’ve never been attracted to heavy guys. It just has never happened. No offense to the bear community, but it just isn’t my thing. My two best friends are in the bear community and every party we go to, every bar night we go to, and every brunch we do is in the bear community. I never get to meet guys that I am into in a social setting. I’m skinny and fit, and my friends don’t feel comfortable going to the clubs I like. They say those crowds are superficial. What can I do?

Bearly Social  

Dear Bearly Social,

Oh girlll, this is a slippery topic. Obviously, you can’t tell your body what to be attracted to, but sometimes we miss out on good opportunities just because we aren’t open to dating certain types because of the way our community has dealt with body issues. That being said, again, you can’t tell your dick to get hard if it doesn’t want to. First of all, with any friendship, there has to be give and take. It’s not fair if you are always going to your friends’ places and they aren’t returning the favor. They also need to get over their phobia of being out of their comfort zone. I do know how a West Hollywood group can treat a thick boy, but we have to change that narrative. It also sounds like you need to expand your friendship circle a bit. I’d probably have more friends if I stopped sleeping with my friends’ boyfriends, but I do hang out with more than just the two same people. If the fit crowd is the atmosphere you are going for, join a local hiking group, take some group gym classes, and see if there are any gay sports groups in your area. You’d also be surprised how inclusive in terms of body types these environments can be, maybe you can add your two bear friends. To be honest, you aren’t going to find your friendship tribe by dancing next to a muscle queen on the dance floor at The Abbey. P.S. Bears are great in bed, FYI. Roaaarrr!

_____

Dear Chad,

I’ve been dating this guy for about two months now. I never ask him about his long-term intentions or other guys he may be dating, but I only get him to see him about once a week and he doesn’t seem to want anything more than that. We’ve appeared in each other’s social media posts, but I see him with other guys in his other posts and I don’t know if he’s dating them or what. I also don’t want to push, but I’d like to see him more. What should I do?

Baby Reindeer?

Dear Baby Reindeer?,

Slow your roll, girl. It actually sounds like you met someone sane who knows how to take it as it comes (insert pun) and knows how to date. Once a week is healthy, taking it slow is healthy, and dating a few people to see where it goes is healthy. We want to jump into things way too fast, and we think we have to limit ourselves in terms of dating. The healthiest thing you can do is date a few people to see what clicks and go from there. There’s no race. You should try going on a few dates with other guys, even if it’s not the perfect match just to see what else is out there. Also, don’t get into your head about other guys on his social media. We know social media is not a true snapshot of what’s going on and you can get into your head about it. Now we are all adults, so why not just simply ask him if there’s a possibility of seeing each other more? Why are we all so afraid to talk to each other??? If he declines because it’s just a casual thing and you want more, then maybe he’s not the guy for you and that’s why we take our time before jumping into things! Not every dating scenario leads to a relationship, that’s just in the movies. Just communicate, get out of your head, and expand your own dating circle. How’s your credit score? I’m up for a date!