Queer Trends: Our Fascination with DL or Straight Guys is Harmful

DL & Straight Guys, Go Away

Ok, we've all had that straight-guy fantasy at one point. How many porn scenes deal with turning the straight guy, or having a stepdad step in, or someone straight "passable" on the DL? Whether it is part of homosexual repression from when we were younger, or we are trying to take back power from the straight boys who bullied us, or because we secretly dislike our own feminine qualities, the uber-masculine lay is just part of our gay fantasy history. We all joke about it, we all stare at straight guys, we all wish certainly celebrities would come out of the closet, and most of us have hooked up with someone from the hookup apps who didn't want to show their face cause they are "DL." All jokes and porn scenes aside, isn't this harmful to our gay cause?

Check out this video hitting social media courtesy of IG's @FitnessGayz:

Oy. Let's break this video down. The guy being interviewed (with face hidden and voice modified) identifies as straight, happily married for three years, but hooks up with male friends and randos A LOT. NO, he isn't bi, he is DEFINITELY straight, he repeats. But, he says he tops and bottoms regularly, and no, his wife doesn't know. How did the interviewer meet this straight guy? The guy slipped into the gay guy's DMs for sex. And yes, judging by his fashion choice, he probably does lean towards the straight side.

First of all, the interviewer, an out gay man, tells the straight guy this will be "funny." A straight guy cheating on his wife for three years and then using our community for his sex needs but not taking responsibility for doing so is funny? Um, ok. Hilarious. Second, the fact that he is keeping his sexual activity from his wife is irresponsible. Morality aside (there are a lot of guys out there who are ok with cheating), he is putting his wife at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. Assuming he takes all the precautions he should, there is nothing 100% foolproof. Again, how is that funny? Thirdly, and this is a big topic, should we, as gay men, be giving in to the straight culture using us for sex but not giving us respect? "Don't show my fucking face." Are we so hungry for sex that we are willing to share our bodies with someone who clearly doesn't want anything to do with us other than cumming?

What exactly is DL? Being on the DL isn't just about hiding your face on Grindr, or not wanting to share your name because you want to be discrete. The term "down-low" originated from the black community and included any type of slick or secretive behavior, especially regarding infidelity in heterosexual relationships. In medical research, the term is used to identify sexual identity-behaviour discordance in male to male sex. The New York Times Magazine did a cover story in 2003 about down-low subculture:

"Rejecting a gay culture they perceive as white and effeminate, many black men have settled on a new identity, with its own vocabulary and customs and its own name: Down Low. There have always been men – black and white – who have had secret sexual lives with men. But the creation of an organized, underground subculture largely made up of black men who otherwise live straight lives is a phenomenon of the last decade. ... Most date or marry women and engage sexually with men they meet only in anonymous settings like bathhouses and parks or through the Internet. Many of these men are young and from the inner city, where they live in a hypermasculine thug culture. Other DL men form romantic relationships with men and may even be peripheral participants in mainstream gay culture, all unknown to their colleagues and families. Most DL men identify themselves not as gay or bisexual but first and foremost as black. To them, as to many blacks, that equates to being inherently masculine."

• Denizet-Lewis, Benoit (August 3, 2003). "Double Lives On The Down Low" The New York Times.

No one should "out" anyone else. And apparently, it comes down to if you think someone who regularly has sex with other men is truly straight. As one of the comments on the video said, "This is like a vegan eating meat and saying that they are 100% vegan." We know gay for pay exists in the porn world, but this is something else. We know of gay relationships that exist where they still haven't told their families, that's something else. Should we be supporting the DL subculture? Does it harm our cause by supporting this type of behavior? At the end of the day, should we think being on the DL is "funny?"

What is your opinion on hooking up with DL or straight guys?