S&M Basics!

How to S&M

Have you always wanted to add a little kink to the moment? We know the initials, S&M, but what really do you know about that world? S&M is often associated with leather, latex, whips, bondage, etc. Yes, it can be all of that, but it can also start simply.

Sadism and masochism (S&M) is basically a sexual fetish or kink during which someone likes to inflict or receive pain. Pain does not have to be major, it can vary with the level of expertise or desire. In the world of S&M, there are tops and bottoms. The top, the sadist, is the giver of pain, and the bottom, the masochist, is the receiver. Pain does not have to be physical. The pain can also include emotional - including humiliation play. The masochist can receive pleasure by fully submitting to any type of pain the sadist wants to inflict. There is a definite power play that exists in this type of relationship that is separate from typical sex.

There are a number of ways you can engage in S&M.

CBT

CBT stands for cock and ball torture. Again, this can be achieved on many levels from light infliction to the use of devices. CBT in S&M is the focus on the penis and balls, from tapping to flogging to squeezing. The intention is to highlight the nerves and pressure on the groin area. Usually, the masochist's hands are cuffed or tied down or out of the way to relinquish full control in such a delicate area to their S&M top.

Sensory Play

Using restraints and making the bottom powerless heightens the S&M play. Depriving the masochist's senses also inflicts a power play. This can include blindfolds, ear plugs, handcuffs, rope, and even elevate to ball gags, chains, and spreader bars. A spreader bar is literally a bar where the bottom's hands or feet are cuffed in and fixed apart, unable to move, leaving them open to the top's physical domination.

Nipple Play

Nipple play is the most common. The focus, obviously, is on the nipple area. Typically, the nipples are an extremely sensitive part of the body and respond immediately to arousal. This can be achieved by tugging, pinching, biting, or even the use of nipple clamps. Caresses can be interspersed with pain, such as with the use of a feather.

Hot & Cold

Temperature play is a thing in the S&M world. The use of candle wax or a heated source in conjunction with the use of ice or cold implements can add to the erotic sensation. This with a blindfold will have the bottom not knowing what is coming, adding to the element of pain/pleasure play.

Emotional Play

Emotional play in the S&M world deals with role play and usually humiliation or verbal punishment. "You've been a bad, bad boy..." etc. Cock size humiliation is also a big thing in gay S&M. This is usually done when the role play is the direct opposite of what the top and bottom are in real life. Such as a rich, high-level executive being treated as trash.

Spanking

Direct impact play is the most common in the S&M world. This is direct contact with the bottom by way of hand, whip, paddle, etc. Direct impact can increase blood flow to an erogenous zone and increase endorphins and dopamine in the brain.

As with any S&M play, there should be a lot of prior communication between partners. As pain is the central part of such kink play, too far can be too far. There need to be rules set in place and an expectation as to the level S&M play will go to. Use a safe word that is only used when the action or pain goes too far; when a safe word is used any play should stop immediately. Don't jump into S&M with both feet, take it slowly and in steps. Also, if you are using objects in the bedroom, make sure that you are familiar with how they work. Have safety backups in the room, such as scissors to cut through rope or soothing lotion or towels for skin irritation.

S&M is not for everyone, there is no shame if you want to introduce it in your relationship, and there is no shame if it is not for you.

Have you tried S&M? Let us know!