Grindr Fails: Circumcision, Trump Threats, & Jonas Look-Alikes

December 27, 2023
JOSHUA ANDREW

Rise and grind! It's time to see who is up there acting a fool on everyone's favorite sex app. (Sidebar: My account got banned while home for the holidays. Imagine being stuck in your hometown with no way to connect with other horny, bored locals. Thank god for Sniffies & Scruff!) Moving on. This week's Grindr fails had us laughing with a question for our Jewish brethren, a threat of Trump, and a celeb lookalike compliment, kinda. Scroll on to see what's happening in the latest Grindr Fails.

Our first Grindr Fail has a political tinge but it's clever! The guy in blue is clearly very interested in the guy in yellow, sending several messages with no response whatsoever. That's when the guy in blue ups the ante and takes things to truly desperate measures. He warns that if he does not get any kind of response from the hot guy in yellow, the guy in blue will vote for Trump. And bada bing, the mysterious guy in yellow responds with just a hi. I mean not even a LOL? At least the guy in yellow stepped up because every vote counts. This conversation could have happened in Pennsylvania, Georgia, or Arizona. Honestly, this is the pivot gays need. Hey Dems, stop sending robotexts and get the interns on Grindr to do the real grassroots work.

Aww the holidays bringing holigays together. This interaction is a bit of a rollercoaster. The guy in blue starts by calling the guy in yellow beautiful and wishing him a Merry Christmas. The guy in yellow lets him know he's Jewish so the guy in blue pivots to wishing him a Happy Hanukkah...and then it takes one more turn. The guy in blue is uncut and nervous that his new Jewish crush might not be into the foreskin. This is a toughie. I get being in your head about being uncut when you're with someone who has to be circumcised for religious reasons, but hey doesn't everyone like a little religious rebellion? There is definitely role-play involving priests and altar servers, but that's a different Grindr convo altogether. Also, this guy is clearly a secular Jew if you wished him a Merry Christmas at first. The uncut thing might only matter to the strict Orthodox, no? Hopefully, they both got to try something new that night.

Is this a compliment? Is this rude? Now if this is the opening line from the guy in blue, then I'm guessing a little rude. The guy in yellow is taken back a bit not sure how to respond. But let's be honest, bro. Even Dollar Store Barbie looks like Barbie. Dollar Store Nick Jonas is still a Jonas brother...who isn't Kevin. That would be insulting. Anyway, any resemblance to one Nick Jonas (especially during his Scream Queens era) is a compliment after all, and you should smash the guy who said it to you. Love is not dead.