Off 2 On With Bobby Beyond: Topping With Care

September 27, 2023
BOBBY BEYOND

In the world of gay sex, the “birds and the bees” becomes a tale of tops and bottoms. The top is the giver, and the bottom is the receiver, which seems simple enough. But when it comes to topping, there are guidelines to creating a pleasurable space not only for yourself but also for the bottom. Bottoms do so much work just to be able to sit on a top’s dick that it often eclipses a top’s responsibilities and duties. But if the top doesn’t do his job, then he can leave his bottom feeling unsatisfied or worse, turned off. You’re reading Off 2 On with Bobby Beyond, and I’m gonna help you become a better top!

What’s worse than being rushed to get ready for your day? Being rushed to bottom, that’s what! If you’re a strict top and don’t regularly go through the motions of preparing to bottom, the preparation actions may seem easy and undemanding to you. However, a bottom’s preparation doesn’t begin at the porcelain throne, it begins in the kitchen. Certain foods that may seem like delicious and savory options become immediate no-nos when the expectation for bottoming is on the horizon. Tops can enjoy pizza, ice cream, burritos, and many other things that bottoms know better than to consume prior to hopping in the saddle. And regardless of what one consumes, the douching process can be effortless and clean, or messy and tiresome. Everybody is different.

Jonathan Groff Douching in HBO's Looking.

Jonathan Groff in HBO's 'Looking'

This is why it’s critical to not rush a bottom’s “process”, and respect the time and effort it takes to prepare. It’s a huge turn-off when tops give ultimatums or get impatient. To turn it back on, tell them that you’re not in a hurry and give them time to get ready as comfortably as possible. And here’s another secret, the more pressure you put on them to get ready, the slower things will go due to the stress. Trust their process, they know their body better than you do!

Speaking of knowing their body, it’s imperative that once you begin the actual topping, you do your part to help them adjust to the size of your cock. You big dick boys out there are typically used to the adjustment phase of sex. But the guys with average or slightly above sizes can take a lesson on this one. The quickest way to end things before they begin is to ram your cock into them without letting them adjust. Not only can this cause tearing that prevents them from bottoming for weeks, but it also causes extreme discomfort and turns them off immediately. To turn it back on, it’s incredibly simple. You must slide it in nice and slow with plenty of lube, let them breathe, and feel their hole opening in a synchronistic way. If you’re next in line at a cum-dump, that’s obviously a different story than a bottom who is debuting their bussy for the first time in days or even weeks.

Opening his hole also calls for opening the lines of communication. The best tops are the ones that correspond. “How does that feel?” or “Ready for more?” and even “Is this okay?” are all great questions between the adjustment phase and going to pound town. Save the ego trip statements like, “You like that?!” for later on. A bottom can also get turned off if the top doesn’t listen or communicate with them effectively. If the bottom is clearly wincing or in pain, ask what’s going on. Turn it back on by setting the groundwork for a safe space where they can be honest, and then everyone wins. Communication is always sexy for a bottom!

Whether you’re new to the art of topping, or a proud power top, these tips will lead you to better success with bottoms everywhere. Everything is subjective, but I can say without a doubt that having patience for the bottom to prepare and get comfortable is key to their process of preparation. And once in the sheets, practicing that patience is yet again another virtue that will take you much further than recklessly demolishing their hole. Have empathy for bottoms, and remember that rush is something that bottoms sniff, not do.