Grindr Fails: Twins, Matchmaking, & Bottoms Who Bleach Their Hair

August 26, 2023
JORDAN JAYRO

Gird your loins! It’s time for a chaotic edition of Grindr Fails! Here I have curated a selection of screenshots from real Grindr conversations that need to be unpacked. The gays never cease to amaze me with their wild behavior on the apps. This week is wildly unhinged. We’ve got an awkward family interaction! It’ll make sense later! And the gays are trying to be matchmakers on Grindr! But plot twist: we all know each other already! And it seems like we’re using stereotypes about gay men to guess their sexual position of choice. All of these should be a learning experience for us. Enjoy!

Anytime someone tries to guess someone’s sexual preference, it never ends well. And that’s exactly how this conversation starts. If this ever happens to me in person, I instantly become a troll. I just start talking nonsense until the person leaves me alone. This guy in the blue chat asks the guy in the yellow what color he dyes his hair during a crisis. This feels like a trap! The guy in the yellow asks why he would dye his hair during a crisis, and that compels the man in the blue to assume he’s a top. And what makes this even more annoying is the fact that he’s right. There is a stereotype that gays bleach their hair when they go through something traumatizing. It could also just be a slight inconvenience. I’m ashamed to say that I am a part of this statistic. If you knew me in 2014, no you didn’t.

Oh goodness! The girls are playing matchmaker on the Grindr! The guy in the blue chat says the other person would be good for his friend. Not himself, just his friend who has horrible taste. The man in the yellow chat responds with “Lol?” Like, sir are you asking if it’s funny? What does that mean? Men are so annoying. The guy in the blue says he likes his bio and thinks he’s cute. And just when we think it’s a match made in heaven he says he showed his friend the guy in the yellow and he said nevermind! Apparently, they’ve hooked up before. So he was right to assume that they’d be attracted to one another! He was just late to the party! Better luck next time, sweetie.

So I gather from context clues that the guy in the yellow chat posted a picture of himself and his identical twin. Which I think was a mistake. That now invites crazy people like this guy in the blue chat to come and make it weird for everyone. We all know this guy. He refers to the twins as a “BOGO” deal. That’s a buy one, get one deal in case you don’t know. He said that about these two men who are siblings. The guy in the yellow awkwardly responds “Lol” which is more than I would have said. Then, to make it even worse the guy in the blue offers his phone number to either or both of them! This has got to stop. I blame all the stepbrother/stepdad porn categories. Why does anyone watch those?!?

I hope you enjoyed these cringe-worthy exchanges as much as I did!

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