F*cking with AJ Sloan: The 10 Commandments of Cruising

Some insist that the art of cruising is a dying sport. To them, I say check out NYC’s Rambles on a Friday night, Barcelona’s Montjuic after dusk, or Berlin’s Tiergarten pretty much any time of day. Even Los Angeles has its infamous stretch of Vaseline Alley where the cars are lined up like a Taco Bell Drive-thru at 2 AM, where the men are also looking to live más (spoiler alert, that isn’t créma on their collar). Sure, cruising may not be as virile as it was in its heyday, but it is thriving across generations. Some may be new to the scene but looking to tip their toes (and dicks) into the scene while others might just need a little refresher course in the game. With that said, let’s visit the Ten Commandments of Cruising.

10. Do your research. Like your local coffee shop, high traffic and low traffic times exist. Don’t go in blind and then get disappointed at the lack of dick. Whether it’s the stock market or the cock market, Google has all of the answers you seek. The internet is a cornucopia of information.

9. Dress simply & Minimally. When it comes to f*cking around in public, you might not want to draw too much attention. Leave your neon Nike’s at home and opt for a more subtle look. I promise you will not go unnoticed by those you want the attention of. They are there for the same reason. Also, keep in mind that this is not the runway, and less is more. You don’t want to be stumbling with belts and boot laces at the moment. Keep it minimal and keep it loose. Why do you think I am always in gym clothes?

8. Prepare your hole. For all of my bottoms out there looking to get railed cock after cock while hugging a tree for dear life, get your hole ready at home. Don’t just clean out. Lube up. Spit it sexy and all but let’s be real. All parties involved will be happy if you come pre-lubed.

7. Travel lite. You never know what will fall out of your pockets when your pants are at your ankles. Furthermore, and I hate to have to say this, there are some shady f*cks out there. For the same reason you lock your gym locker and check your clothes in at The Cock, be aware that there are kleptos afoot.

6. Come prepared to cum. One sign of a heavily-populated cruising ground is the abundance of tissues scattered about (let’s hope they’re organic). You are not in the bedroom or bath house. Come ready to wipe up your face, chest, or wherever the load may land, before reentering society.

5. Mind your eyes. Body language is everything and it all starts with the gaze. With the proper visual engagement, you can convey your level of interest. BE clear. If you want it, let them know it. Not interested? That’s also cool. If someone is not reciprocating your gaze, respect that and move on. And remember, a little smirk goes a long way…

4. Be discrete. Remember, as with most things that are fun, you are breaking the law. Don’t touch someone else or take out your disco stick without 110% certainty. I can’t stress body language enough. Don’t let your eagerness get you arrested. 

3. Unleash all of your exhibitionist side. Want to fuck in the open air but don’t want anyone around? Maybe cruising isn’t for you. You are in a public space full of men there for the same reason, and although you don’t have to f*ck everyone, there will be voyeurs. Never mind the audience, so long as they watch with their eyes and not their hands. Unless you want those hands, that is... 

2. Play nice. Cruising is no time to be a diva. I mean, you are literally kneeling in dirt with an anonymous dick in your mouth. Being polite doesn’t mean you have to give everyone a taste. This said the only thing unsexier than an attitude is entitlement, so please don’t be the reason someone has to give attitude.

1. Mind your carbon footprint. Okay, I understand tossing a jizz-drenched Kleenex under the bushes (I hear splooge is actually a great fertilizer), but don't be that dick who leaves empty popper bottles and lube. Karma is real, and you'll likely trip over it next time you are cruising for dick, only to be found days later having survived by eating the aforementioned disposed Kleenexes.

Happy Cruising!

Photos by Interiorstate

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