F*cking with AJ Sloan: Giving Yourself a Helping Hand While Tits Deep in a Relationship

June 23, 2023
AJ SLOAN

Good morning my little pigs and pervs. June Gloom has recessed back up Mother Nature's ass and has been replaced with sunshine and blue skies. 'Tis the season for getting a nut out with as much frequency as your refractory period allows. In that spirit, I'd like to share with you a text that I woke up to:

"This morning I woke up and wanted to rub one out and had no desire for sex with (my husband)... what's your take on that?"

What is my take on that? my pre-coffee reply was "Sometimes you just want to make love with yourself, and that's okay. There is no reason to feel guilt when you're in the mood for a solo sesh. It's the cheat-proof way to mix it up in a monogamous relationship. You know you best, so you do you (literally). Go f*ck yourself."

My initial thoughts aligned with my viewpoints on open relationships. As much as I love sushi, I couldn't imagine only eating sushi and nothing else for the rest of my life. I'd eventually grow tired of eating sushi and possibly even resentful. Sometimes I want some tacos, other times I'm in the mood for lasagna. Sometimes an all-you-can-eat buffet calls my name. That doesn't mean I am sick of sushi or that I'll never eat sushi again. I'm just a fan of a balanced diet. Picking up what I'm laying down here?

Self-love is the PBnJ of sex. You've been enjoying them since you were young, and they always hit the spot. You don't need them every day or every week, but it warms your heart every time you sink your teeth into one. Even if you're meal-prepping or diabetic, a good ol' PBnJ every so often is always welcome so long as no one has a nut allergy. Whether you prefer the edges cut off or left on, Taking the time out of your day to enjoy a PBnJ is never not a good idea.

Masturbation is Nature's Xanax. Period. It is something that we learn to do at an early age and likely, if we're healthy, practice until our bits and pieces are one foot in the grave. Even people in marriages and other partnerships continue to masturbate with their partners and without them throughout their relationships, and that's okay. For many, solo pleasure only enhances sex down the line. When you know your own body you can then guide your partner to all of the right spots. And your body is not a Buick, there are software updates from time to time. Best to efficiently learn those on your own as opposed to allowing your partner to stumble around playing Marco Polo with your erogenous zones. As entertaining of a game show as that may sound, give your partner a little break and learn the trails before they strap into their hiking boots.

Solo sessions are not a form of infidelity. It’s a healthy and natural method of self-care, and many people can enjoy the pleasures it brings while within the context of being in a relationship. This being said, if you feel as though it is affecting you or your partner’s well-being, it’s important to discuss these concerns. Communication is clutch, always. That's enough out of me, babycakes. I woke up with four things today: two loaded balls and two free hands. Bye bye.