Ask Chad: Condoms, Blue Balls, And Summer Body-ody-ody

Hey pride queens! It's our month, and you're running my inbox up again! The only thing better than pride month is all the sexy pool parties happening. If you're looking for me I'm probably by a pool sucking a... piña colada! You're always asking me questions but now I have one for you. Padam?

This week, your questions got me feeling all types of way. Keep 'em coming! As my Sniffies profile says, Nothing is off limits: [email protected]

Dear Chad,

My boyfriend seems to be "not in the mood" a lot lately. I understand he's been having work stress and personal things going on, however I am horny and I don't know how to tell him that I want sex without sounding selfish. I don't want to just jerk off because he likes it when I save that for him. How can I bring this up or should I at all? I don't know what to do. Please help!

Sincerely,

BluestOfBalls

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Hey BluestOfBalls,

Here's the thing girl, if you love this guy, you'll wait till he's ready. That being said you have to communicate your feelings to him as well, and just let him know that whenever he's ready you're more than welcoming to his penis in your butt! Don't make this about you, but also don't sell yourself short. There's a balance to this and the best approach is patience and love. In the meantime, I see nothing wrong with stroking your own dick as you have needs too. Good luck!
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Dear Chad,

I’m a single negative gay man who is 40 years old. Like many, I’ve had and have successfully treated several STDs from gonorrhea, chlamydia, and HPV. Although I did with my only real serious committed partner I’ve ever had in my 21 years out of the closet as an out gay man, I don’t feel comfortable, (even with a partner who is either on PrEP, or is HIV+ and undetectable) engaging in condomless sex. While I may personally question how much of a lack of risk associated with raw sex (regardless of active or passive position taken by either partner) is truly present when having condomless sex, and while I’ve enjoyed it with my ex-partner, I personally see it as a risk I’m not too interested in taking. I feel this has impacted my potential for future sexual relationships. I came out during an era that, while significantly reduced, it was not totally unusual for you to learn of friends or partners of friends, as well as potential partners that were HIV+, and it wasn't outside the norm to know of people who caught it too late, acquired AIDS and died. I grew up in the 80s and 90s where safe sex was advised and it’s stuck with me as a means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy and many STDs. In addition, I feel my older brother’s (10+ years older than me) HIV-positive status impacted me early on in my gay life which encouraged me to practice safer sex. What can I do to not look old-fashioned or a prude? That I just want to protect myself and the other person’s health. I could potentially maybe see myself having raw sex with a long-term committed partner in the future, but fucking casual hookups raw or getting fucked raw isn’t something I’m wanting to do.

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Hey there,

So here's the thing, raw may be fun but it's not mandatory. You make the rules for your own body! If you feel more comfortable wearing a condom or being fucked by someone wearing one, then there's nothing wrong with that. I would encourage you to speak with your physician about possibly getting started on PREP, just as an extra layer of protection. The movement that is currently taking place is reducing the stigma around HIV while also staying safe and protecting your own sexual health. Condoms are a great first line of defense however PREP would be the ultimate armor for protecting yourself. Just also keep in mind that HIV+ individuals who regularly take their medication and are undetectable cannot pass the virus to a partner. In conclusion, do what makes you feel safe and comfortable, if someone doesn't vibe with that or like it, those are the rules for your body and you have every right to a comfortable and safe fuck! Good luck babe!

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Hey Chad,

It's summertime and my body is not looking how I wanted it to. I was on such a steady routine all of fall and winter then suddenly in the spring I got sick, then injured, then family stuff, then work stress. Now I am out of my groove and can't stand to look at myself! My friends keep inviting me to pool parties but I don't know if I should even go if I don't look my best. How do you get back into a steady routine after falling off? I didn't gain a lot, maybe like 10 lbs, and I just started going back to the gym and making meals again. What else can I do?

Sincerely,

MoreToLove

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Hey bby!

Firstly, I need you to understand that summer is gonna get whatever body-ody-ody you give it! And if you want to change yourself to feel more confident then that is okay too. I totally get the fomo of parties, especially the pool kind, but you really have nothing to be worried about. Be confident in your skin and that will shine brighter than any Andrew Christian speedo you could possibly wear. If you're looking to get back into a routine, it's time to practice discipline! You have to make yourself go to the gym, make yourself eat right, and make yourself care about you! Self-care starts with self-love. And it sounds like a lot of random events have gotten in the way of you and your routine, so now it's time to set aside time for just YOU. Go buy a new pair of workout shoes or clothes, some new headphones, and maybe even get yourself a trainer. Anything that will get you excited and get you back in will work, and then it's like riding a bike! You've got this!!!

Got a question for me? Nothing is off-limits! Email me: [email protected]. Until next time!