Grindr Fails: Boston Creampies, Fisting, And Tall Bottoms

Hi, and welcome to #GrindrFails! This week, there’s quite a lot to discuss in the world of Grindr! It’s an app that is synonymous with the gay experience, and there’s no shortage of foolishness to come from it. We’re talking about cringe humor and clapping back in the chat! Does getting bred in Boston make you a Boston Creampie? Do bottoms over six feet deserve love? And what’s the most tactful way to tell someone you want to wear their sphincter like a bracelet? These are the things people want to know about!

Courtesy of @TwunkTheTwink on Twitter.

Did you know that ventriloquism is a euphemism for fisting? Is that something we’re expected to know? I’m still trying to figure out all the different names for gay body types! Now we’ve got code names for sex acts! This is too much. Also, sweetie, if you’re gonna partake in some platonic fisting, just say that. No one has time to decipher what you’re trying to say! I shouldn’t have to download Rosetta Stone to set up a dick appointment. I’m exhausted.

Courtesy of @TwunkTheTwink on Twitter.

There’s something so sexy to me about a man over six feet tall who loves to bottom. And as a man who is 5’5”, I am no stranger to the struggles presented by a striking height difference between two people looking to bump uglies. I can’t tell you how many times a very tall man has been on all fours in front of me with his hole facing my belly button. It’s important to know what you’re getting yourself into when being a short king who tops men of varying heights. That being said, I can not stand when people are so picky about height. No one wants to be rejected over something they can’t change. If you’re not capable of communicating and being accommodating to your partner’s needs, maybe try therapy. So to answer the age-old question “Do bottoms over six feet deserve love?”, I say YES! They deserve everything they desire!

Courtesy of @TwunkTheTwink on Twitter.

I don’t like this. If you see me somewhere in public, do not message me later and tell me you saw me. My anxiety can’t handle the fact that someone was watching me buy makeup wipes at Target. There’s nothing cute or endearing about that behavior, and it’s actually the fastest way to get blocked by me. Also, if you think it’s okay to message me from an anonymous profile saying you know who I am, or you know I’m a drag queen, please go outside and touch some grass. I know some people will disagree with me but I do not care. The only redeeming thing about this exchange is that the man at least tried to make a creampie joke. 

That’s all for this week’s edition of #GrindrFails! I want to extend a special thank you to @TwunkTheTwink on Twitter for posting these conversations! Be sure to give him a follow! 

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