F*cking with AJ Sloan: Dressing Room Sex For Beginners

March 17, 2023
AJ SLOAN

I have a lot of hobbies that I’m sure many folks would label as eccentric, taboo, and perhaps even a little skanky (D: All of the above). What can I say, being naughty gets me revved, and as much as you may deny it to yourself, deep the f*ck down so do you. All day long, we fly on autopilot navigating through the world with our fellow humans trying not to step out of line. In one way or another, we all conform to something. So when you go against what you have become accustomed to you can’t help but get, well, a little excited.

Most likely due to me being a cock tease who takes pride in following through on anything that I start coupled with my chronic exhibitionism, I have acquired a collection of dressing room ho-stories. Dressing rooms are a great place for a hookup. Plenty of them are littered throughout all major cities, they’re just private enough for plausible deniability, and you can go shopping at the same time. Buying sh*t I don’t need and a f*ck break? It’s like two Ravens, one Symoné.

It all started one day when roaming in Downtown Manhattan with my bud and his then-husband (no comment). We went into your local T***** mostly for an air-conditioned break from the NYC summer, one thing led to another, and I dared him to blow me in the dressing room knowing that he’d never back down. So he did. God, those pics are probably still on the Cloud somewhere, unlike his wedding photos (I had nothing to do with it, swear).

This was just the tip of the publicly indecent iceberg. I have since become the reason that boutique clerks slap that hastily written “back in 5” note on their locked doors. Since that fateful summer afternoon, I've lost count racking up dressing room hookups in shops and boutiques in Berlin, Barcelona, Madrid, Sri Lanka, CDMX, NYC, and most recently LA. I’d say more than half of the time it’s with the dude who is working, which always results in discounts I never knew existed.

It’s a pretty fun dance, the boutique cruise. When they approach you to ask if you need anything, always say “I don’t know… what do you think I’d look good in?” Depending on what they choose for you, you’ll know what’s up. Of course, they will want to check on you. If they specifically ask to see how you look in what they had picked out for you, you know it’s pretty much in the bag. That clerk is DT-f*cking-F.

Depending on what they’re wearing, their excitement will likely be bulging at the seams at this point, and I have a tendency to give compliments where compliments are due. I’m a gentleman, I know. If you want to play with your food a little bit longer before you eat it, you can try on another pair of shorts, jockstrap, whatever, without closing the curtain. That’s always a crowd-pleaser. Back in 5…

Sometimes you just need to get a little risqué, and that’s okay. It’s more than okay. It will make you hate your boss that much less, and you’ll go about the rest of your day with a much-appreciated pep in your step. The next time you feel the impulse to do something a bit naughty lean into it. Take your post-nut clarity to the next level. It may not be as productive as therapy, but it sure feels like a close second.