Confessions of a Gay Porn Writer: The Dating Life of a Gay Porn Writer

Hello, again all you porn enthusiasts! How are y’all doing today? I hope you’re doing great and jacking off to your heart’s content. :)

Today, I thought I’d get a little bit more personal. Don’t worry, I’ll still be talking about porn in some capacity but I figured, why not let you guys in on the dating life of a porn writer? I touched on it in the past, but aside from one long relationship that I had back in college, I haven’t really dated anyone else. That’s not without trying, though! I’m on basically all the apps and talk to several guys and meet up with them but… I don’t know. I never feel a strong connection with a lot of the guys I meet up with. And at that point, why would I try to pursue something with them?

But, every once in a while, I do end up finding a guy I really like and start crushing on them. It just… usually ends in disaster, so to speak. Not necessarily by my own fault (I hope), but I have a pattern of ignoring red flags until I no longer can and end up hurting myself in the process. All in all, most of my crushes end up being incompatible. Actually, in a lot of ways I’d say my dating life mirrors that of Dakota Payne’s in the “Love is Payne” series at NextDoorStudios. It feels like everything starts out wonderful and exciting and then BAM! Disaster.

Photo courtesy of NextDoorStudios.

The scene where Dakota sleeps with Leon King and Evan Knoxx, aka “The Couple,” is actually based on something that happened to me in real life. I met a couple who both really liked me, but it turned out one of them liked me so much it threatened the other half of the couple and they iced me out because of it. It was very bizarre; to be treated poorly because someone likes me a lot is a very weird feeling to sit with.

Trailer courtesy of NextDoorStudios.

But to get back on topic, you’re probably wondering how being a porn writer affects my dating life. If I’m being honest? It doesn’t. At least not in Los Angeles. At this point when I talk to people and I tell them about my job most people just react with an “oh no way” or they don’t even acknowledge it. Which, if you think about it, is probably the best possible outcome; you want to date someone who wants you and not someone who’s just fascinated by your job. And also, I’m glad I haven’t met anyone who’s been repulsed by my job either (not that I would date someone who would be, obviously).

Sometimes, though, I do wonder if I’m destined to forever search for love like Dakota in “Love is Payne.” I want to make it clear, I’m not desperate for love, nor am I actively always searching for it. I’m very happy being independent and on my own. But, sometimes, it gets lonely, and in a city like Los Angeles, loneliness can feel a lot more isolating when you know you’re always surrounded by people but just can’t connect to them.

Photo courtesy of NextDoorStudios.

So I guess in conclusion, dating as a gay porn writer in Los Angeles? It’s… probably exactly like dating elsewhere. Just maybe a bit, uh, different considering the types of people you can meet here.

I also want to take this last paragraph to say that I support all trans lives and am disgusted by the anti-trans legislation being passed all throughout the country. Trans lives matter, and it’s absolutely revolting and horrifying what is happening. I don’t know how much a gay porn writer can really do in this climate but I urge everyone reading to do SOMETHING for trans people. Donate to trans funds and charities, call senators, fight laws, you know the drill at this point if you’ve been active online. But we can’t just sit by and do nothing. There are real people who are getting affected by these laws. And we as queer people need to stand next to our trans siblings.

And if you as a person are against trans people for whatever reason, I urge you to reconsider your opinion. Please. These are just people who want to live the lives they deserve to live. Doesn’t everyone deserve a chance at happiness?

And if you’ve done all the research, heard testimonies from trans people, really thought about it, and STILL, are anti-trans? Then I hope you rot. :)

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