This Week’s SUPER GAY LGBTQ & Movie News: Barney, Drag Race, God is Non-Binary, Children of the Corn, Toy Story 5, & Keanu Reeves’ Length Confirmed

This Week's SUPER GAY LGBTQ & Movie News:

Barney, Drag Race, God is Non-Binary, Children of the Corn, Toy Story 5, & Keanu Reeves' Length Confirmed

I’m your Gay News Guy – this is the news, casual, sassy, unfiltered, and a little tipsy. Ok here’s today’s LGBTQ news as I see it!

Is this gay news? Seems pretty gay to me. Mattel is rebooting Barney! The purple dinosaur. I know some of you gays out there don’t even know who that is. He is a maniacal creature who almost took over the world when I was growing up. "I Love You, You Love Me, Homo-sexu-ali-tyyyy…" Anyway, Mattel revealed a first look at the returning Barney. First thoughts…let’s just say he wouldn’t be out of place at Pride! And purple? Looks like my ex’s diiii….did I say that?

Has God gone non-binary? Is religion now getting too woke? Religious people almost shat their pants this week in a flurry of debate as The Church of England declared that it was thinking of using gender-neutral language for God. Right away, people were outraged saying, 'This is too far, this is making the Bible and religion TOO WOKE!' Arrrghhhh…Ok, well, religious people. You have to look back at the original texts…God is reported to be a being, not human, so saying He doesn’t make sense. Not to mention that translations of early texts have foisted the masculine image and pronoun onto God. And want to look at specifically the Bible? God addresses themself as plural in the book of Genesis –"Let us make humankind in our image." The Holy Spirit was described almost exclusively in feminine language using a female pronoun in Hebrew. Also, Jesus said: "I am like a mother hen wishing to gather her chicks." You go, girl! What this means to Queer people is that we are supposedly made in God’s image—this means all genders, non-binary, whatever…it is a culmination of us. Anyway, I’m an atheist, not an angry atheist, but I love the idea of God being a big ‘ol Tilda Swinton! Yaaasss queen, or king,…you go, Gawd!

So we know some Republicans came out against Sam Smith and Kim Petras’ performance at the Grammy Awards. Ted Cruz, Marjorie Taylor Spleen for a Brain, and others said it was basically a tribute to Satan and promoted evil and demonic energy. Aaarrghhh! Well, the gays had their own thing to say about Sam Smith, calling his performance hellish, but for other reasons. So…the official word? Here’s the ultimate shade. The official Church of Satan said, "Meh, it was alright, nothing special," and went on to say that devil horns and red outfits are really tired and passe.  Gurlll…

In a nation where over 300 anti-LGBTQ bills have been introduced ALREADY this year, some good news. Utah’s House unanimously passed a conversion therapy ban, a very big (and rare) win for LGBTQ+ people. Just to add some levity, in my mind…when talking to the LGBTQ community about this…them saying, “We live in Utah…we’ve suffered enough!” Anyway, congrats Utah on doing the right thing…now let’s get a ban on liquor store sale restrictions there. I’m thirsty!

Ok, the gays have saved entertainment. After many complaints, Drag Race is going to return to 90-minute episodes…and I love it. We’ve all been stanning over the show and crying cause it’s only like 40 minutes of actual programming. Watch, it’s going to go back to 90 minutes and all we are going to do is read the queens on their outfits, the talent, and this season’s challenges…y’all are never happy! AND, Neil Patrick Harris’ Uncoupled has been saved and Season 2 will head to Showtime after being canceled on Netflix. My thoughts? My grandma once told me, if you have nothing nice to say…just blink and look pretty.  (Blinks and looks pretty).

Ok here’s today’s MOVIE news as I see it!

Hello Size Queens! Does length matter? Well, John Wick 4 starring Keanu Reeves will clock in at two hours and 49 minutes! Girl, Gone with the Wind is a masterpiece…be three hours. Schindler’s List? Masterpiece. Be over three hours. Titanic? Masterpiece? Be three hours. John Wick? Gurlll…I dunno, that’s asking A LOT. Keanu better be shirtless, in underwear, wet, something…I wanna see John Wick’s wick for sitting for three hours!

Titanic is back in theaters for its 25th anniversary. 25 years! Yeah, I don’t remember the movie or having tons of Leo Dicaprio posters on my wall when it first came out because I was just a fetus! Wink wink. Anyway…want to play a fun drinking game in the theater? First of all, sneak in the booze. Check. THEN, take a swig every time Kate Winslet says Leo’s name “Jack.” Like, literally that’s all she says. Jack ! Jack ! Jack, the water! Jack, draw me! Jack, jack me! Jack, dance with me. Jack, get off the door! She says it over 2000 times. Girl, were you afraid he didn’t know his name or were you afraid of forgetting it? WE GET HIS NAME IS JACK! Girl, play my game you’ll be drunker than my father at my quinceanera!

Children of the Corn is back! It's getting the reboot and the trailer is out! Based on the Stephen King short story, it deals with creepy Amish-type people in the corn fields. The original string of films was so bad it was good. I’m looking forward to it…my drag is name is Malachi Ridiculi! LOL. Of course in my old age, I’d be just as excited if it was Children of the Creamed Corn. Then I could take my teeth out! Gum job anyone?

What sequels just won’t die? Toy Story 5 is coming… Tim Allen inferred that Woody and Buzz would be back. But the world wants to know WHY? Do we really need a Toy Story 5? I mean, stories been told, laughs been had, tears been shed…I don’t know any toys that have lasted so long without breaking. Especially the toys in my top dresser drawer. Now that’s a movie! Adult Toy Story…a very short film, the ending cums fast. Get it?

Ok, Toy Story 5 is coming…Saw 10 is coming….Frozen 3 is coming…Scream 6 is coming…Zootopia 2 is coming…Gladiator 2 is coming…Planet of the Apes 4 is coming…guess what…I Know What You Did Last Summer sequel is coming…guess who isn’t coming? ME!

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