Fetish Month Appreciation: Talking Consensual Non-Consent with Leo Louis in Himeros’s Stockholm Syndrome

January 19, 2023
AJ SLOAN

It's time to talk about a controversial topic, and that is the fetish of consensual non-consent. I was recently in a Himeros.TV shoot that, in my opinion, artistically captured not only the concept of allowing another person or people to take full control of your body in the moment but also the communication and trust that harbors a healthy dynamic in such experiences.

In the scene, Stockholm Syndrome, I coyly open up to my boyfriend, played by the yummy lovely Alex Mecum, about my fantasy to be given up to an anonymous third party to be entirely taken advantage of while Alex watches. Being the dream partner that he is, Alex is more than accommodating and opens up a discussion about boundaries and desires to ensure an experience where I can explore and enjoy pleasure taboo to the mainstream in a safe and judgment-free environment. If we could all be so lucky...

After our scene, I sat down with the sexy, charming, and well-endowed Leo Louis to talk consent, BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism &masochism), and navigating sex with a well-above-average-sized cock.

Leo, you f*cked the sh*t out of me in a scene yesterday. Can you tell us a little bit about it?

Of course, I can. It was Stockholm Syndrome, which was essentially a kidnapping scene. You had a fantasy of your boyfriend kidnapping you and then being used in some way. It was a consensually nonconsensual (CNC) scene where I was meant to wear a mask and essentially use you in any way I saw fit, and it was fun.

Can you elaborate on the concept of Consensual Non-Consensual (CNC)?

The idea is to, within a consensual space with someone that you trust (like your partner), consensually remove consent because that is your kink, that is what you want. So for instance one would tell their partner that they want them to use them in any way they see fit without asking in the moment. There are various degrees to which different people that people can take this and enjoy it. Like your boyfriend just fucking you in the shower to more extremes like creating a fantasy like we were portraying in the scene.

How did it feel to be in the role that you played, the third-party anonymous aggressor brought in by the boyfriend to dominate, well, me?

Well, at the beginning it felt… before we filmed the scene I thought it would feel wrong, you know? Like, I have a compass that it went against. But frankly, after having all of the talks and making sure that my partner was truly consensual about this - I think that’s what was truly stressing me out - once I established that there was consent then I got to actually enjoy myself and it was a lot of fun.

What were some of the ways that you broke down some of your apprehensions to get yourself into character and really enjoy the scene?

I think what was holding me back was that I was focusing too much on the outlook of how taking advantage of someone that isn’t consenting would look, or more so like how important it is to respect consent with people because the consequences are so grave. Once consent was established I got out of my head and realized that I am actually giving (him) what (he) wants. That is essentially the basis of CNC. You are actually fulfilling a fantasy for (them). Once I understood that, and I was in a safe space to act that out, I just did.

Did filming this scene open up anything in your mind that you may have been ignoring or suppressing?

I think it did open me up in a sense that, over time, I’ve been taught to be really careful when it comes to consent and sex where I just naturally am more prone to hurt people when I have sex with them because of my (cock) size and what not. That’s the reason why, when I am having sex with someone, not only that it is 200% consensual but they are enjoying themselves because so often do I have to stop and make sure that we are both still on the same page and that it isn’t just me using them. I actually found myself really turned on by the idea of having a space in which I could let myself go and actually have sex in any way I saw fit. This space felt safe enough for me to discover that, and frankly, I think I may just have some masochistic tendencies!

How do you check in with your partner to ensure their pleasure? How do you communicate in the moment to make sure everyone is still having a good time?

First and foremost, I think you have to be hyper-aware of nonverbal queues. People can speak up, but they won’t necessarily. It is your job to be better at picking up on these nonverbals. At the end of the day, some people will leave themselves in situations that are uncomfortable for them, which might seem fun to you in the moment but the second you're done and looking back at the experience, your partner won’t have enjoyed the experience which is no good.

What I listen to the most is their breathing, the way they are moving, the way they’re looking at me, but also the way they twitch. Like when you are getting in there, if they seem to be moving away, you have to be aware of any micro-displays of pain. Check in with your partner, and you can make it hot, you know? Like, “yeah, you like that?” It can still be hot.

For the scene I think that we just had great communication, so long as you get to be transparent with whoever you’re having sex with, there’s no reason why you can’t keep it hot and consensual. Consent IS hot at the end of the day. It is disgusting, in my opinion, to have sex without it. Sex is only ever enjoyable to me if the other person is enjoying it too.

What is your opinion on the balance between pleasure and pain?

Especially when you go to things that are more BDSM related, I think that pain and pleasure start to come hand in hand. If anything, for many it is the case that pain creates pleasure in some ways, or the context in the way that pain is being created is the origin of their pleasure. Pain for the sake of pain would be purely masochistic and that’s not what we did there. It's really a mix of pain and pleasure where you’re being fucked in a way that is pleasurable, but there’s also an aspect where you’re being taken advantage of, and it’s rough.

: Jordan Starr, Leo Louis, Cain & Edward

In your opinion, what are the psychological roots behind pleasure and pain?

It has to do with the forbidden. Often when it comes to sex, what you’re told not to do is what you will gravitate toward. It’s two sides of a coin; it’s wanting to put someone in a vulnerable position yet at other times for other people it is a vulnerable position that one wants to be in. At the end of the day, that is what empowers them because that is what they want. The pain is welcomed in that sense, and it is paired with pleasure.

After our scene yesterday, do you think that any of these feelings or concepts will leak into your personal sex life? Will you be implementing anything from our shoot into future fuck sessions with your partners?

I think so. Well, I won’t kidnap anyone or do anything like that, so ‘no” on that, for the record. But, I think that the idea of having a safe space in which both parties agree to, well, whatever terms you want, and then allowing themselves to let go is empowering. Disregarding whether you are dominant or submissive, in pain or pleasure, the point is that both parties are agreeing to the terms and they are getting what they want at the end of the day.