Sup my fellow skanks. ✌ It’s AJ here and, well, must be Friday because here we are again with another installment of Pumping Up with Me! I love you all as much as I love a fat load rocketing through the air and onto a jubilantly smiling face. That is why I would like to bring to the table a new exercise that you won’t see on the gym floor (although that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening). I’m talking Man Kegels! That is right, my cum thirsty comrades, Kegels work out your pelvic floor muscles which, in turn, up your fuck game in so many ways. Let’s get your blood flowing to ALL of your muscles, shall we?
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Although every dude can benefit from Kegel exercises, some might be more in need of others. Are your hard-ons not so hard these days? Does your sexual performance make your partners roll their eyes out of disappointment instead of delight? Are you sick and tired of preemptively busting that nut? Then maybe it’s time to consider Kegels.
Who wants a Polaroid? pic.twitter.com/yueEMVqV88
— ✌ ✨ (@AJSloanXXX) September 19, 2022
Let’s get started, no time to waste. First off, find your pelvic floor muscles. One way of easily doing so is to stop your flow of piss midstream. This tactic uses your targeted muscles. After properly locating them, you can repeat this taint flex wherever, whenever. Best to start in a reclined position before doing it while grocery shopping or jumping double-dutch.
— ✌ ✨ (@AJSloanXXX) September 14, 2022
When you practice this muscle strengthener, tighten and hold for 3 seconds, then relax for 3. Like any exercise, you would find yourself doing at the gym, go for a specific amount of sets and reps. If you are starting from nothing, try doing your 3 sets of 10 reps 3 times a day. This will help in keeping track of your progress. Over time, get cocky with it. Long meeting at work? Flex that taint. Are you stuck on the phone with that relative that won’t shut the f*** up? Flex that taint! Running to your nearest 7/11 for a bag of Tropical Welch’s Fruit Snacks? FLEX THAT MOTHER F***ING TAINT!
Another way to squeeze your Kegels into your daily routine is to attach them to an already existing one. Try doing them while in the shower, brushing your teeth, or even after every time you take a leak. There is no wrong time to do your Kegels. As a matter of fact, I’m doing mine right now.
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You do want to avoid stressing other muscle groups. Give that pelvic floor all of the attention. Be mindful not to flex your abs, your thighs, or your ass. And, for those of you who have to hear it, don’t forget to breathe. It is easier than you think. All of those times throughout your day that you find your jaw, your fists, your asshole clenched… loosen up and taint it up.
Side effects of Kegels may include but are not limited to: stiffer stiffies, longer fuck sessions, intensified orgasms, shooting your load across the room, a newfound appreciation of your prostate, smiling, being less of a grumpy-puss, increased rates of repeat clientele, a stronger affinity to warm wet holes, and indefinitely going cross-eyed. Ask your doctor if Kegels are right for you.
RT if I’m just too much at times pic.twitter.com/rZS18TDiFB
— ✌ ✨ (@AJSloanXXX) September 7, 2022
Until next time, keep it flexed