Jack Andy Killing Construct Vol 6: Pop Psychology Danger and New Relationships

So while scrolling on Facebook I ran across a post that says “When a relationship ends the one who was loyal stays single until he heals the wounds left by the damage. The other immediately enters a new relationship.” and that it has a simple explanation: “They are quickly looking for a partner, because they don’t know how to be alone, they are people who don’t know how to love themselves, they don’t know how to wait, they are looking for someone to fill them emotionally. In a few words, they go through life destroying hearts because their social immaturity and lack of self-love make them not know how to deal with loneliness”

I feel like this is getting served to us on a red hot platter from the heteronormative, if not the right-wing Christians themselves. As the caption was fitted with a person hooking up with someone inside the apartment and on the outside of the apartment was a man with chocolates, crying, and being ignored. 

My last breakup ended because of abuse. I won’t claim innocence. When a relationship is abusive it is abusive both ways. He could not deal with anger, and I got involved with him while not fully being honest with myself about what I wanted. I learned things about myself in that relationship eventually that I hadn’t quite come to terms with, that I was a partier with quite a sexual threshold that couldn’t be satisfied in one night sometimes, and that I was a little more polyamorous than I thought. It was my need for independence that he felt like he was competing with but in the end, I needed someone on my level who would judge me less.  

But this is about what we do afterward. Which is our own journey. 

 

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I sought therapy. I wanted to know more about myself, what made me tick and why were these relationships failing. We did a lot of cognitive mapping, went through my childhood, and tied some emotional triggers to behavioral actions. We even found out why I’m a daddy type and why I love it. We went through the 26 essential needs in a relationship and ranked priority. I’m still currently seeing her twice a month. It’s been like personal training for my mind. But most importantly out of the endeavor, I have learned that I am the relationship type. Even if I am a sex pig I do see myself with a primary partner and whenever I choose to start dating is the right time for me to start dating, and I’ll be damned if I’d let my ex put out something like this to stop me.

Love is something you have to be willing to let in for it to succeed. I’ve always lived my life knowing if an ex caused me to close off, that is when I lose my ability to love. Someone else would’ve robbed me of my happy ending. It would be because I gave up. This pop culture piece of advice may speak to the rage of some who are broken up and playing the victim but it also implies a dangerous notion that you have to torment yourself with a portion of time being single, even though at all times a human being craves love and acceptance.

If you are staying single solely for the reason that people will look down on you for dating so soon. You’re merely caving into the pressure of society and not living for yourself. 

What do we do in this column? We kill the construct of a timeline after a breakup. 

 

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Everyone is broken. Even at your best, there will be scars and triggers but that doesn’t mean you do not deserve love. There will never be a time in your life you are undeserving of love. Periodt. There are people out there for you, who will accept you for who you are. All the way down to the broken bits. The key to success in a relationship is inner honesty and communicating this version of yourself to your new prospective partner without shame. Posts like this one target your inner shame by saying the person with the chocolates so full of innocence being neglected is better than the person who wanted to be a slut and is simply ready for their next adventure. 

Personally, I always try to be open to all of life’s experiences I’d like to try, relationships included. I’m fine being alone. I love setting up my own space and keeping it. I love my single routine of the gym and paying attention to my business. But I also love companionship and I am picky. They have to be a nerd, a cum slut, into daddy play, watch reruns of anime, be into fitness, nightlife, and the occasional play party. BUT still be able to commit to me as their primary, maintain the home life, help me while I help them, know what teamwork is, and what to team up personally and maybe even professionally as I am a very ambitious person who knows what I want. I know that because I know who I am. So as many times as I fail in a relationship the only thing I need to do is learn from my mistakes. Even if the only one I made was selecting the wrong person. So if that kind of person comes along. I can’t be in the middle of my “not dating because the mean meme said I’ll be judged” phase. I needed to go for it.

And I did.

I have met someone, for those interested in gossip, and he meets that criteria because point blank, I asked him are you into that. Drugs, cumdumps, and hostile business takeovers included. Now we just have to fill him up.

Don’t let anyone paint your need for love with a broad brush, and don’t let anyone shame you for as soon and as fast as you are capable of loving someone. It’s painful sometimes to fall in love easily, believe me I know. But it's a gift. People who love easy, are the best kind of people to me because that heart on their sleeve may have been through a lot, but damn it… It still works. 

Someone just subscribed to my https://t.co/Z8bSujm8bM page. You should too! https://t.co/Qcdqf6vUBu pic.twitter.com/bbO6sZygKo

— DaddyJackAndy (@DaddyJackAndy) October 5, 2022

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