Pumping Up With AJ Sloan: Steam Room Etiquette

September 30, 2022
AJ SLOAN

Let’s talk steam rooms and saunas, guys. It’s about time. They have become a bit of a free for all, especially following the months of quarantine when we had zero access to them. They are a luxury and a treat with several health benefits when utilized correctly. Let’s just get right into this one, shall we? Here are ten commandments to abide by post-workout when you still want to sweat it out and perhaps maybe put out.

Can you pass the soup? I need a helping hand… pic.twitter.com/4rWfe9nQza
— ✌ ✨1/2 OFF OF ❤️‍ (@AJSloanXXX) June 27, 2022

1 - Close the goddam door. It would be an ideal world if all doors automatically closed behind you but unfortunately, that is not our shared reality. I understand occasional mindlessness, but I have literary witnessed guys exit, look back to see they left the door open, shrugged, and kept walking. Don’t be a piece of shit. Close the fucking door.

2 - I can’t believe I even have to say this, but put a towel down. You’re basically announcing to the world, “I also don’t wash my hands after I shit, and that is A-Okay.” No, you sick fuck. It’s not okay. You are gross and everyone hates you. Keep narsty ass juice to yourself you fucking Neanderthal.

3 - Leave the intense stretching for the gym floor. if you can't do it in a seated position, you shouldn't be doing it in the steam room or sauna. Simply be considerate of the confined shared space and no one will fantasize about you slipping on your face.

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4 - Disengage from technology. If you can’t leave your phone in your locker for the fifteen minutes that you’re in the steam, you should probably just go back to the office.

5 - Please shut the fuck up. And if you are going to carry on a conversation, be mindful that people are trying to relax and keep it down as much as possible.

6 - If for whatever reason you would like to keep your clothes on, ditch the shoes. It’s gross. Also, what TF are you thinking?

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7 - This one goes out to all my loungers out there. It is completely cool with me if you want to lie out when space allows. But when the room starts to fill up, sit TF up. Furthermore, your feet should never be within 2 feet of someone. It’s rude as fuck.

8 - To all the guys who sit there playing with themselves with ZERO discretion or shame, there is a special place in hell for you ( and they cut your dick off at the door). I cannot fathom why you’d continue to do so when everyone around you is visibly uncomfortable. I would say “stop,” but I know you won’t. So I’ll just make one request: kindly stop looking both ways when crossing a busy intersection.

9 - Now, let’s be real. Hooking up in the steam room does happen and is half of the reason that these places exist. But again, just be respectful. A little discretion goes a long way.

Getting wet with @roxasgayxxx
Cum see more, links above pic.twitter.com/qXgECmn5W9
— ✌ ✨1/2 OFF OF ❤️‍ (@AJSloanXXX) July 9, 2022

10 - If you do bust a load, some acceptable places for it to go are in your towel, down someone’s throat, etc. where your load should not end up is the floor. People are barefoot for fuck’s same, you savage. Have you zero respect for your fellow man?

The golden rule here: be hygienic and considerate. If not, just know that everyone hates you, and you're going to straight hell. No, not straight to hell, but hell with all of the straights.