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Step to the “Side”, Top/Bottom/Vers…There’s a New Guy In Town.


I was reading Cybersocket's bi-weekly column Ask Chad, and I saw someone had asked about not liking anal sex, but wanting to do everything else. Apparently there's a term for this, and it's called "Side." That's right! With the list of niche labels longer than a CVS receipt, we now have another, and this Vers Queer Otter is fascinated by it all.

So what is Side? Side essentially describes someone (typically a cis gay man) who neither wants to fuck nor get fucked. For whatever reason and there are a myriad of themsome people just don't like anal sex. They don't want to fuck you, and they don't want you to fuck them! That doesn't mean they don't like having sex, it just means that they are neither Top, nor Bottom, nor Versatile; they are Side. And now there's even a whole Grindr category for them!

This actually makes a lot of sense. Physical as well as Social Sciences have shown that just about everything in this universe exists on a spectrum, so why should sex positions? There is so much more to sex than just fucking. There's oral, there's bating, there's making out, there's edging, glory holes, and frotting, and every other fun sex act you can think of that doesn't include topping/bottoming.

And when you think about it, people's positions also seem to ebb and flow depending on the day, the month, the year, or the era. While someone may start out as a total top, they may evolve to become a total bottom. Maybe there's a three-month period where they only bottom, and then for the next nine months they only top! Maybe it really depends on the day and the vibe, and they are a true vers. On a personal level, this actually makes a lot of sense. I identify as the latter of those categories...I'd say I'm a "true vers." But these days, for a whole list of reasons, I don't really want to do either. To be clear: I'm hornier than ever. But between the fear of catching MonkeyPox, and my desire to focus more on my personal growth, and my career, I find myself not having the patience, nor the desire, to have actual sex; it just seems like such a hassle right now. So maybe I'm a Side... for now.

Whatever the case is, this is a perfect example of the fact that the world is changing and the words that we use to describe those changes are also changing! It's an exciting time to be alive. And anyone who disagrees with me can either get fucked or can fuck off. Ya know...depending on their position.

What do you think? Is this one label too many?

Cybersocket: Plug In. Get Off. Questions? Comments? Email us at [email protected].

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