Jack Andy Killing Construct Vol 1: Is Polyamory Really Still the Enemy or the Answer?

July 11, 2022
JACK ANDY

Adult performer and personal trailer Jack Andy dives into sex and relationships from a unique perspective in his new Cybersocket column 'Killing Construct'.

So while I’m new to the Los Angeles gay scene, which is so much easier to navigate than a small town scene, I still can’t help but notice undertones of similarities between the two. Insert gay gasp here, you’re ahead of the times but not as far as you think. Guess where? The bedroom!

Now I’m from the small town of St. Louis, Missouri. It's tiny republican and the gay norm there is, of course, the heteronormative. So we all know the heteronormative is when two people get together start a family and that’s basically it. The idea is that these two people are bound to each other belong to each other in some weird possessive way and in most cases especially in the midwest aren’t allowed to see other people.

We have them beat there don’t we LA. Almost every relationship is open here! Sex parties every other weekend! We entertain ourselves enough to make any country Midwest gay clutch their pearls!

But why have we seemingly stopped there?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jacob Andrew (@daddyjackandy)

Every gay I’ve come across in LA that has a boyfriend has the rules. You can’t fall in love with anyone else because they belong to them, no sleepovers, and the party tends to be done when one of them is done. Break any of these rules and the claws come out. I have a bud I workout with. His partner gave him shit for two days for coming home at 2 AM?! Two?! That’s an early ass night for me.

I never got why in my relationships, where my feelings for my partner never changed, but engaging in certain actions freaked them out so bad, and I’m not alone! In almost every relationship construct I’ve encountered, there’s always a conservative one regulating the behaviors of a more radical one and it's never for good reason. On the surface it may seem like they're very good points, you shouldn’t party past 8 AM, sleepovers cause attachments, and there’s always the question of substance abuse. Valid.

But when these points recur after years of being in a steady relationship, where neither partner seems to falter or fail and drug abuse is not prevalent and they manage to keep or improve their gainful employment, the reason behind the action isn’t driven by genuine concern because it already stood the test of time. It’s a fear based kinda control held by what is considered to be normal. My last relationship was a shining testament to that. My business in the past year had not only grown, it doubled, almost tripled even with the way I held my private life. The only reason the rules were in place was because there was a fear of what society would think of us if we kept the party going, and the rules are always made by the partner that gives the guest star in the threesome the “dirty look.” You know who you are.

When it comes to relationships society has unconscious rules in place of what it determines is normal. I always thought maybe had I the options to explore beyond the bounds of what was considered normal a lot of these relationships might have succeeded. What if the couple could still date or one could stay out and pick up a man to bring home to meet the husband?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jacob Andrew (@daddyjackandy)

Why does this still scare us? Is polyamory really still the enemy or the answer?

I’ve always viewed love as an energy. When it's right with two or three people, why not share it with others? Invite more into the circle. Break the barriers that love can only be between two even three people and we finally start addressing the idea of true polyamory. We’d all save on rent, that's for sure.

I recently went back on the market, looking for something new, and in my most recent dating adventure I met a guy who will be new to LA, but made my viewpoint very clear. The standard relationship construct will not work for me, I’d love to date him, but also I want to fuck rooms of people and possibly go on dates with other guys with him, maybe even live with them with him together. Guess what? He liked the idea. Especially since another little side effect of having too many relationship rules his friends always seemed to get neglected in lieu of him doing things with his partner.

My point is by being truly honest with myself and others I’m now forming the bonds of something I can really sink my teeth into. A truly free relationship with people who get to know me intimately, and share my views. It allows the loving energy we create to evolve like we do so there never is really and end just an evolution.