Spring is in the air, which means two things: it’s baseball season and we’re all even hornier than usual. Baseball season also means we have a huge crop of hot men to appreciate in “America’s pastime.” More specifically, I’m here to take a look at some of the great butts, bods, and bulges on these studs who I’d love to get to homebase with no matter what position they play.
Up first, let's start with my favorite team, the Philadelphia Phillies. If you don’t like the Phillies, fuck you. “No one likes us. We don’t care. We’re from Philly, fucking Philly. No one likes us; we don’t care.” (IYKYK) One of the hottest players in the MLB this season also happens to be one of the hottest items on the Phillies, Nick Castellanos. Towering at 6’4, this Florida native is classic movie star gorgeous, and makes me balk when I try to speak. Here's Nick working out. *Insert panting sweaty emoji here*
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Sean Murphy('s butt)
Next is the jiggle seen ‘round the world! Recently, Sean Murphy of the Oakland Athletics was up to bat when pitcher threw a pitch that was just a bit too far outside the strike zone. With the speed these guys throw the ball, there often isn’t enough time to dodge the ball, and so faced with that moment Murphy decided to arch his back, and bounce his ass outwards with the ball making direct contact with his huge ass. The ripple effect would make Homer Simpson’s belly jealous, and because he got hit, he was able to “take the base” (automatically goes to first base). To make Murphy’s bubble butt even hotter? …He’s a catcher. Literally.
Buehler... Buehler... Walker Buehler
If we're going to celebrate a catcher, then we should also celebrate a pitcher, because #Vers. Walker Buehler of the Los Angeles Dodgers is one sexy 27 year-old. A corn-fed Kentuckian originally, this 6'4 stud is no stranger to being shirtless and also has one hell of a bulge. Most pitchers don't tend to wear cups because of how much they stretch in their motion, which means this picture is likely all Buehler. He can walk all over me if he wants, because WOOF.
Fernando Tatis, Jr.
That smile. Those cheeks. The look in his eyes that says I'm a kind but rough top? There are few players in the MLB I have a bigger crush on than this gorgeous 23-year-old shortstop on the San Diego Padres. I'm also a sucker for any celebrity that knows how to thirst properly, and Tatis definitely knows what the gays want. It should come as no surprise that a young pro athlete is also shredded, but it doesn't mean I didn't suddenly feel my bat stiffen when I saw this pic.
I loves me a sexy German. Look at how beautiful that man is. Go ahead. Just keep staring. He'll just keep getting hotter and hotter the longer you look at him. Max Kepler is an outfielder for the Minnesota Twins, and that just has my mind racing with the classic twin fantasy. Don't get me wrong, Max... you're all I'll ever need. But like... if you DO have a twin, I'm just saying I'm open to discussions, ya know? Here is Max in what I can only hope is his Recon profile picture.
Do I think astrology is total bullshit? Absolutely. But do I assume any fellow-scorpio is also a constantly horny homo? Well...I certainly hope it, even if not believing it. Francisco Lindor is one sexy Scorpio, and is one of the hot young players on the New York Mets. The Puerto Rican-American all-star shortstop has won the hearts of baseball fans in no small part because goddamn does he have one winning smile. And ever a sucker for an inked up jock, Lindor taps into so many things that get me lathering up the sap.
And to finish us off, we've got the ridiculously sexy Yu Darvish, the Japanese-Iranian pitcher for the San Diego Padres. Not only is Darvish sexy as hell and a damn good baseball player, but he is decidedly no stranger to the camera. Before he was a huge MLB star, Darvish was seen as a cover model for Anan, a Japanese women's magazine, and let me just say... I wouldn't mind getting dugout by this pitcher.
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