Cybersocket Abroad – God Save the Queens: A Guide to London’s Gay Neighborhoods

April 26, 2022
TOMMY

Soho

Let’s start with the gayest neighborhood of them all: Soho. Unlike SoHo in NYC which stands for South of Houston, the London version is simply: Soho. This trendy (and pricey) neighborhood can best be thought of as the Hell’s Kitchen/West Hollywood of London. Located in the heart of the city, just a few minute walk from Westminster Abbey, Soho is where are the young gays go to hangout. You can imagine the shock and disgust when my 36 year-old showed up. Actually, every single person I encountered was nothing short of friendly and welcoming to me. Much like Hell’s Kitchen, Soho is connected to London’s major theatre district the West End, which outside of Broadway is arguably the best theatre in the world you can see. Soho has everything from major dance clubs (the iconic G-A-Y) to small pubs, and my favorite bar in Soho was decidedly one of the latter: The Admiral Duncan. It was a great spot for cheap drinks, incredibly friendly bartenders, and a drag king who was a wonderful conversationalist and shot the shit with me for 20 minutes. The Admiral Duncan is also deeply rooted in London’s Queer history, but unfortunately not for the happiest of reasons. On April 30th, 1999, Neo-Nazi David Copeland planted a nail bomb in the bar, which when detonated killed three people, and severely injured another nearly 70 people. But like we are wont to do, The Admiral Duncan persisted, rebuilt, and remains one of the best gay bars in the city to this day. If you go, check out the gorgeous memorial chandelier dedicated to the victims of the attack.

East London / Shoreditch

Next let’s head a bit north of the city center to a neighborhood called Shoreditch. Right next to my old stomping ground, Islington, Shoreditch is one of those neighborhoods that used to be a total slum, but over the years has progressively gotten nicer and nicer. Reminiscent of Chicago’s Wicker Park, Shoreditch has grown to be a very hip area for people who don’t want to be in the heart of “the scene,” but still want to exist comfortably as a Queer person. The neighborhood has a handful of great options to choose from, but my personal recommendation is to head to The Glory. The Glory is where you go if you want great drinks that won’t break the bank, and also want to check out some really badass performances. Not only that, but on the weekends, the bar operates on what Londoners refer to as “late night hours,” so if you want to keep that party going just a bit longer, than this is a great spot to round out your Saturday night.

Vauxhall

If you’ve ever spent enough time in Philadelphia, you know that Fishtown/Northern Liberties are somewhere between rough and posh. That equivalent in London is a neighborhood called Vauxhall. My favorite bar in the Vauxhall neighborhood is unquestionably The Eagle London, which I recently did a feature on that you can check out here. But The Eagle London isn’t the only iconic bar in the neighborhood with a deep and rich Queer history. Located a short walk from the Vauxhall tube stop, The Royal Vauxhall Tavern is one of the most famous gay bars in the city, and indeed the world. Built in 1863, the RVT (as the locals call it) is housed in a large, stunning building and is home to some of the most incredible cabaret performances you can lay your gay little eyes on. Every day of the week yields a different cabaret night, with the likes of David Hoyle and Amy Lamé hosting avant garde shows. But if you want to just go dance your face off, the RVT has something for you, too. It hosts a club night on the last Friday of every month where they play pop music from the '90s to today.

North London / "The Heath"

Eyes darting… pace slowing… heart pounding. The thrill of the cruise is known to many Queers around the world. Because of that, we’re naturally drawn to large parks. They offer the space to roam and the coverage of the trees if you want to have some fun in the shadows. North London’s Hampstead neighborhood is home to just such a park known as Hampstead Heath (“The Heath”), which also benefits from the cover of the London fog (#GodHatesFogs). If you’re familiar with “The Rambles” of NYC’s Central Park, which is plopped squarely between the Upper West Side and Upper East Side of Manhattan (both famously wealthy areas), then you’ve already got a sense of what both The Heath, as well as London’s Hampstead neighborhood, are like. Home to many older, financially well-off men, Hampstead is also home to the King William IV Pub & Rooms, better known to locals simply as “The Willy.” The Willy is as classic of an old English pub as you can hope for with old architecture, vintage wooden tables and chairs, over 100 portraits of Hampstead locals covering the walls, and rooms to stay in if you and your trick from The Heath want to cuddle the night away after getting off.

West London

Finally, we have West London. As with any major city, the further you get from the city center, the greater the distance between gay bars. And when you get out of the neighborhood a bit, and just need a good local haunt, sometimes a dimly lit neighborhood cruise bar is the place to go. That’s where Ted’s Place comes into play. If you don’t want to make the jaunt up to The Heath, but still want to do some cruising, then Ted’s is the place for you. Ted's isn't just a cruise bar, but it also has a bit of a speakeasy feel similar to Los Angeles' The Vinyl or The Blind Barber. This is because you enter through a store front and then head down stairs to the actual bar. "Pop your coat into the cloakroom and descend down the stairs into a perfectly formed, cavernous basement bar," the website instructs. "From the bottom of the stairs to the left, you will find the bar." While it doesn’t have the same “anything goes” style as The Eagle in NYC, it does share a similar gritty vibe perfect for finding (once your eyes adjust) some sexy chav. A chav, for those wondering, is an acronym description of specific people in the UK. It stands for “Council Housing And Violent.” Originally used as a derogatory term, the phrase has started to become reclaimed and viewed as "alt sexy" like “white trash.” I, for one, loves me a sexy chav, Carlsberg breath and all. Ted's also has "Men's Only" nights on the first Tuesday of every month so that you don't run the risk of one of those pesky bachelorette parties, as well as nights devoted to those specifically looking for someone from the trans community.

Suffice it to say, you have your options if you go to the capital of the UK. No matter who you are, how you dress, or whether you want to get fucked or to do the fucking, London's gay neighborhoods offer you all the options you’re used to in the states. Cheers, Queers.