The Hot Guys of the Scream Franchise Who Make Me Want to Scream Their Name

January 31, 2022
TOMMY

With the wildly successful fifth (and supposedly final) installment of Scream, we are taking a look back the sexiest men of the franchise who we’d let gut us like a fish. Here they are in no particular order (***Scream franchise spoilers ahead***).

Since it’s the current iteration and because he’s borderline flawless, I’m choosing to start off with Scream 5 star Mason Gooding. Mason first made waves in “Love, Victor” and “Booksmart” wooing audiences around the world with an inked-up athletic physique, dreamy eyes, and gorgeous smile. The word isn't out on if he’s gay or not, but I can be very patient Mason.

Next we have the pretty-boy face of the OG slasher duo, Skeet Ulrich. Skeet was an early gay crush for almost every closeted homo in the '90s, particularly those of us who loved horror movies. He had that pouty look and that long hair he’d run his hands through (hair that would be perfect for grabbing, fyi). It should also be noted Skeet has aged incredibly well. He’s giving us “more socially functioning Johnny Depp” and I’m here for it.

Then we have the other half of the OG slasher duo, Matthew Lillard. Everyone’s favorite dopey murderer (and stoner if you’re a Scooby-lover) wasn’t necessarily the sexiest of people in the '90s but he’s always had a boyish charm to him. Not only that, but I think he has only gotten sexier with age. I want to play a game, Matthew. I want to play a game with your ass.

Another sexy actor from the original who remains just as sexy (if not zaddy sexier) is Liev Schreiber. If hashtags had been a thing in the '90s #CottonEyedHoes would have been certainly trending, because the wrongfully-accused (though creepily intense) Cotton Weary was and is a total stud. He also grew up to be Roy Donovan, and goddamn if that mob fixer can’t fuck me up. Michael Cohen could never.

If you grew up in the '90s like I did, you most likely had a major crush on Jerry O’Connell at some point. In Scream 2, O’Connell plays frat brother Derek Feldman who is an early potential suspect. This turns out not to be the case when he ends up strung up in a ritualistic murder. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find the scene just a BIT hot, though. This babe from Sliders can slide into my DMs anytime he wants and if he’s into hazing frat bro play, I can be down.

Also in Scream 2 is forever-babe Timothy Olyphant. Olyphant has continuously served us all-American trade for as long as he’s been on the screen and it’ even truer in 2022. With a jawline that could slash me to pieces, Olyphant gives me strong bottom vibes, but I could deal with him being vers. To quote him in Scream 2, “I gotta have a partner. I couldn’t do this alone.” I’ll be your partner, Timmy. I’ll be your partner.

Current star of ABC’s “Black-ish", Anthony Anderson plays Deputy Perkins, the cop assigned to protect Neve Campbell’s Sidney Prescott from Ghostface in Scream 4. Anderson was hot then and is even hotter now tbqfh. I love a man in uniform, and in Scream 4, Anderson was serving us Tom of Finland beefcake. I’m the Tom…now I just need the beefcake.

Continuing on the Scream 4 train we have notably Queer actor Nico Tortorella. Making a name for themself in The Walking Dead and Younger, Tortorella has been very open about being part of the LGBTQ+ fam, stating once, ‘There’s nothing more masculine than bottoming” and made it very clear they were vers. They’re ripped, tatted up, hairy chested, and look amazing in a dress. They married their non-binary partner Bethany Myers in 2018, and has declared themself a serial monogamist in a polyamorous relationship. To say “I’m here for all of this” would be a profound understatement.

Finally, we have Patrick Dempsey. Oh, Patrick. You cartoon Disney prince wrapped in a 5:00 shadow. In Scream 3, Dempsey plays Detective Mark “McScreamy” Kincaid (let’s get #McScreamy trending, shall we?). While Dempsey is undeniably hot, I have to say I don’t find Dempsey sexual. For whatever reason, I just can’t get past him as anything more than a fluff actor with a great head of hair, but I also challenge him to prove me wrong, ya know? But I know not including him on this list would be considered sacrilege, so here we are. Though Dempsey’s Kincaid survives Ghostface’s knife, he unfortunately doesn’t appear in this year’s Scream 5.