WTF Were the 2022 Golden Globes & Where Do We Go From Here?

If there’s one thing gays love it’s a good secret. And a secret organization? Forget about it. This year, NBC announced the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's Golden Globes would not be televised and that all of the winners would be simply be contacted directly, and I just want to say that I am here for it. In an era of starting things anew after the world burned down, I say give the Globes one last ludicrous hurrah before some new and better version of it can finally evolve. An organization of old white dudes giving out Golden idols behind closed doors seems like a perfectly ludicrous hurrah to me.

After years of controversy culminating in tandem with these last few years of social reckonings, NBC refused to air the awards when it became clear that the HFPA was no nearer to making substantial changes to its fundamental character than I am, and let me tell you this: that is a woefully minimal amount of growth. The Golden Globes are not only notoriously white and cis-male, but they’re famously bought-and-paid-for, as well. The octogenarian voters for these precursors to the Oscars have more cash in their pockets than a Republican during the midterms.

The world burned down in 2020 and we’re still clearing away the ashes, so why don’t we burn down one more institution as we start off “2020, too™”? Let these Stonecutters wear their Rock of Shame in one last dumb little charade before a Golden phoenix can rise. After all, what is a rising phoenix, but a flaming glow up? What that glow up proves to be is up the HFPA, but perhaps a good place to start Is continued diversification of their voting members, a focus on woman, BIPOC, and Queer artists, and perhaps a more equitable voting process than, say, Sony Studios giving a free Cher concert for the voting members? Don’t get me wrong, we stan Cher OBVIOUSLY, but this is just such a comically corrupt voting system. Maybe instead just give me free tickets to any Cher performances. I’m just saying it couldn’t hurt my future Golden Globes reviews.