As someone who was a teenager in the aughts and therefore programmed to be attracted to ripped shirtless whores in malls selling culturally insensitive $35 t-shirts, I kinda have a thing for the Abercrombie realness swerved up in this new Jaboc Elordi movie. Guilty as charged! Ambercrombie & Fitch was synonymous with smooth shirtless JIJs - jocks in jeans - who could always be found wrestling, laughing, goofin', feeling each other up, and all around doing everything aside from hardcore bareback penetration. Which is where the new faith-based flick 2 Hearts come in. Praise be.
According to a cursory Google search, 2 Hearts is about "A college student who falls madly in love with a classmate, while a Cuban exile falls for a beautiful flight attendant." Literally same tho? The movie is sitting pretty on Rotten Tomatoes with an 18% Tomatometer, and odds are that none of you had any intention of checking it out.
But wait. What if I told you that forty-seven-minutes into 2 Hearts, Anthony Konechny, Jordan Burtchett, and Euphoria starlet Jacob Elordi play an egregiously homoerotic game of football? It begins with some innocent bareback chest-bumping:
And a little tongue action:
Before things really heat up:
Finally their three writhing shirtless sweaty bodies all collapse in a euphoric eruption of sensuality:
One more time for the cheap seats:
One of the two women watching the free show even says to the other woman:
No ma'am, you better leave that to the professionals.
So what do you guys think about Jacob Elordi's prospects in gay porn? Spillz in the comments!