Pete Buttigieg Hosts Kimmel, Says He’s ’38 Years Too Gay’ To Be President

March 13, 2020
HIS_EXCELLENCY

I'm not a political consultant but I was really gunning for Pete Buttigieg to follow up his presidential run with a classy, upscale, sophisticated turn to porn. His website would be called Petes600PoundA$$.org and omg, it would be so classy and dignified. Just video after video of Pete using his clinically obese dumper to pop balloons filled with goo. Guys I swear I'm okay don't ask okay?!

Anyway apparently for some weird reason Pete Buttigieg is taking things in another direction. Since endorsing Joe Biden's candidacy he's laid pretty low - that is until last night when he hosted Jimmy Kimmel Live! Ma boo's got jokes. It's kind of a mind fuck to see my daddy on stage doing a standup bit when previously he's been so reserved, but it just works!

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What a night! #PeteOnKimmel
A post shared by Chasten Buttigieg (@chasten.buttigieg) on Mar 12, 2020 at 9:56pm PDT

The show - which was filmed in front of just a handful of Pete's insiders versus a normal audience due to COVID-19 protective measures - was going to have a "what the fuck is going on with the world?" tone no matter what, so the setting kind of lays the groundwork for Pete's appearance to work. Plus, who am I kidding, he could pee into a loofa and then wash himself with it and I'd watch it. Note to self: New website idea.

Pete's best line is when he addresses his failed bid for the presidency: