Queen’s Guards Gone Wild!

To read this week's news reports about the latest sex scandal involving British armed forces—this time starring the Beefeaters at Buckingham Palace—you'd think the video footage would be, like, hot or something: "[They] are seen shamelessly exposing themselves to the camera and dancing half naked while swigging from bottles. The four men ... are seen fondling each other, dressed in nothing but their prestigious tunics, bearskins and socks." What you'll actually see, however, is a blurry jumble of pasty bellies and bowed legs accompanied by a soundtrack that's nearly as irritating as the bouncing and zooming Scottish Sun logos used to hide all the naughty bits. Sometimes, fantasizing about stuff like this is a lot sexier than the real thing. (Though we're still holding out some hope for a second clip not yet released which depicts "one guard filming his three colleagues" who then "performs a lewd sex act on one of them and spanks his bare bottoms." Let's hope they at least have something different playing in the background for that one.)

· "The Queens Drunken Naked Scots Guards" (YouTube)
· "Soldiers' 'kinky' sex video" (news24.com)
· "Guards go from bearskins to bare skins" (smh.com.au)

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Previously: British Marines Gone Wild, Russian Soldiers Gone (Too) Wild on CNN