“Fuck Me In My Underwear”: High Marks, No Skids

Looking for something you like in the world of porn is not unlike window shopping in a giant shopping mall. You've got your Gap and your Old Navy and your Banana Republic and your A&F, but at the end of the day, they're all selling the same pair of off-white chinos that kinda fit your ass, but not really: sure, they'll get you through that meeting with Ted in Accounting, but there's no way you're ever going to wear them again. So when we came across USA Jock's latest release "Fuck Me In My Underwear", we were totally stoked: "Finally", we said to the lady sitting next to us in Starbucks, "a porn movie with a little pizazz and mystique! And underwear!"

To be sure, it wasn't USA Male's reputation that sold us (they're probably best known for amateur bareback videos, though this one doesn't appear to be), nor the cover image: in fact, that headless Colossus of Rhodes motif kinda creeped us out. But then we took a gander at the screencaps, and what do you know: the cast all have heads, and they're actually pretty hot! And they're fuzzy, and not in a trimmed, manscaped way! What a pleasant surprise!

On the other hand, it appears that the range of the underwear they're getting fucked in is pretty much limited to boxer briefs, save for one guy who got stuck with the obligatory 2(x)ist strappy number. Not that we have anything against boxer briefs--but if we wanted to watch a movie called "Fuck Me In My Boxer Briefs", we would have made it ourselves. Where are the grandfatherly boxers? The standard but always sexy tighty-whiteys? Whither the union suits and the thermals? Whither, we ask?

Oh, underwear fetishists. You're the nuts and raisins in porn's doughy fruitcake, but sometimes you're as unsurprising as a lunch buffet in a food court.

· "Fuck Me In My Underwear" (pornteam.com)
· USA Jock (usajock.com)