“What She Can’t Give Me” Leaves A Gaping Hole (In Our Lives)

Thanks to our august position in the world of adult entertainment, people ask us a lot of questions. Like "Do porn stars make any money?" (Of course!) "What's so-and-so like off-camera?" (A total sweetheart! Our BFF!) "How do I get into porn?" (Aren't you into it already? Ha, ha!)

But now, dear readers, we'd like to turn the tables with a wee question for you: "Why the hell can't some porn studios get their freakin' acts together?" See, we think that if you've spent an entire Saturday afternoon filming a porn movie in Grandma's basement, then another whole hour designing a box cover, you might at least want to spend five minutes on a press release announcing the groundbreaking new addition to your oeuvre. Sadly, this is not always the case.

For a textbook example of this phenomenon, check out Street Trade Studios' latest release, "What She Can't Give Me". Is it listed on the company website? No. Is there a blurb to be found anywhere on the internetz? Not even. But is the damn thing available for sale? Well, of course ... and that crazy cracker coverboy is giving the kind of ferocious Manson lamps that beg another question: "What exactly is it that the "she" in question can't give him?"

Alas, we have no way of knowing. Without any supporting documentation, we're left to ponder the title's meaning in solitude--which is okay, since it's porn and we're used to enjoying it by ourselves anyway. Still, we thought we'd share this list of things he's lacking thanks (or not) to Her:

• A sensible haircut
• A decent tattoo
• Eyelashes
• Matte lip balm
• Crabs (but she's working on it)
• A sense of belonging
• A sensible title font
• A facial (of the semen variety)
• Five minutes to discuss her feelings about the new pillow shams he purchased last weekend at Linens n' Things
• A baby (long story)
• A prostate massage with her rock hard penis
• (And if "she" refers to the queen nailing coverboy's hole): A satisfying orgasm.

But perhaps there's something we've missed. Fill in our gaps below!

· What She Can't Give Me (at PornTeam.com)
Street Trade Studios