Naughty “Thugs Need Love, Too” (And Introducing Our Thursday Challenge!)

June 5, 2008
STURTLE

We do not get out much. Given the choice between sliding dollar bills into the thongs of Nubile Young Things at our local teabagging hotspot or staying in to relive the halcyon days of "Sex and the City", we will always opt for RNR with SJP on DVD. It may be Stalag Fleshbot, but it's our Stalag Fleshbot.

However, if the world beyond our windowsill were a little more like Top Dog Productions' new masturbatory masterpiece "Thugs Need Love, Too", we might not be so reclusive. Just look at that alluring boxcover: it's got all the glitz and energy of Times Square, the grit of "Grand Theft Auto 4", and the hot cock action of ... um, hot cock action. It's like a coked-up art installation, or the world's jankeyest gay urban shopping mall! It's all over the map and we love it. So do let us count the ways ...

• The design says "We're gonna rough you up!", but the title says "We're gonna kiss you when we're through!" Just like that hot, closeted linebacker from high school! But without the kissing!

• On the front, everybody's thugged out with their gang symbols and flipping the bird amidst those Photoshopped bullet holes. But on the back ... well, they kinda look like the wait staff from Chili's. More dichotomies = more hotness!

• Despite all the posturing and promised thug realness, there's a grand total of two visible tattoos on the performers in this film--and both are of the professionally done tribal (=gay) variety, not the kind with a hollowed out ballpoint pen and some guitar string. And here we were thinking "gangsta" meant having crazy ink all over. We learned something today!

• The use of half a dozen fonts on one wee boxcover kinda gives us a headrush. So much cheaper than Robitussin!

And because we promised (some of) you that we would introduce some sort of contest today, here's a question: What the hell is that white guy saying on the front of the box? (The one up there at the top, we mean, right beneath "SHOT IN HD"--take a good long look at that full size.) Best caption in the comments wins ... well, we'll think of something. Promise.

· "Thugs Need Love, Too" (adultdvdmarketplace.com)