Amateur Video Roundup: Broadway Edition!

June 16, 2008
STURTLE

So how was your weekend? Ours was downright nutty! First there was a call to go waterskiiing, then a call about some swanky restaurant opening, then a call about a surprise party for a friend. Sadly, by the time we finished answering all those damn calls, we were far too tired to do any of those interesting things, so we spent the weekend doing what we always do: surfing amateur porn sites on your behalf. (Truly, a nutty weekend. Ha!)

Anyway, since the Tonys were on last night, and since we were gay enough to watch them ("Xanadu" was totally robbed!), we thought we'd give out some awards of our own. Perhaps they'll get your week off to a peppy start. (If not, try caffeine. We hear that works too.)

1. Best Performance by a Laid-Back College Guy: tie between cmf1586 and jsr2188. Ordinarily we hate ties--"Just grow some balls and make a decision!" we usually scream at the pageant judges--but these guys already have plenty of balls, so we're not sure what we should yell. Maybe "More, please!"?

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Best Performance by a Men's Accessory: EliSteinfeld. We've been fans of Mr. Steinfeld for some time, but this week we got an especially good look at his glasses: early YSL (may he rest in peace) with just a hint of Stephen Hawking. Welcome to Swoonsville, population: Us!

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Best Performance in a Country Bear Jamboree: Uncutbamaboy. Gayboys from the South have a soft spot for linebacker-sized bubbas with Junior Samples-sized twangs. Uncutbamaboy is kind enough to fill that spot with something warm and hard. Aw, shucks.

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Best Performance by a Supersize Schlong and an Inanimate Object: the anonymously posted Huge. Not a whole lot goes on in this video, but one thing's for sure: that appendage is not playing around. Seriously, look at the bit where he slides it up to a doorknob. At first, we were all like, "What the hell is he going to do, fuck a doorknob?", and then we realized, "Omigod, his dick is bigger than a fucking doorknob". Now that's a knob.

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Hungriest Hole in a Non-Musical: Show26a. Not only is he one of the hottest insatiable bottoms we've seen lately--and honey, we've seen plenty--but this guy puts away dildos like we put away crappy nachos from that allegedly Mexican alleged restaurant around the corner. Which is to say, voraciously.

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Best Musical Performance Under the Possible Influence of Narcotics: HuskyHunkz. Please understand: we have no idea what this is about, but we think someone might've gotten high and whipped out the Casio. And, for a few brief moments, his cock.