“Paging Dr. Finger”: No Pinkies, Possibly Stinky

We often think of Hot House as we do some of our well-meaning but clueless relatives: we love them even if they ship their screener DVDs to us in oversized, wasteful packaging that won't even fit through our stretched-out mail hole. And like our Aunt Barbara (as well as a lot of porn companies, to be fair), Hot House also sometimes does things that make little sense to anyone but themselves--for example, the box cover for the soon-to-be-released "Paging Dr. Finger".

At the moment we've got at least three problems with this one, though data is still coming in. So far, here's what we know:

1. The title is way out there: Is it supposed to be a reference to "Paging Dr. Gupta"? Because we're not even sure that segment still runs on CNN, which means lost points for currency and obscurity. What's next--a riff on "Rhoda"? (Actually, we'd love to see a gay porn version of "Rhoda". But we digress.) We thought the title might be implying that there would be fisting going on--you know, one digit at a time--but the press copy makes no mention of that, only the usual "fucking his muscle butt" stuff. Also: when we think of fingering, we tend to think of vaginas. Which brings us to ...

2. Jake Dakota's ass has been vandalized! Specifically--and we have interns on the ground doing round-the-clock research to verify this--that shot of Jake's ass looks to be one of the Great Photoshop Disasters of Our Lifetime. Compare this eerily hairless, pre-teen version of his hole with, say, this photo from his Xtube profile. That's a fuzzy butt, no? In keeping with his whole fuzzy daddy aesthetic, no? Now look at the cover again: An oil drum full of Nair couldn't wreak such havoc on such a beautifully hairy ass. Someone in the retouching department got greedy. Not to mention that it looks just plain weird, given his swarthiness north of the equator. And finally ...

3. Who the hell uses pagers anymore?

• "Paging Dr. Finger" (via HotHouse.com; see also TLAvideo.com)