XTube Roundup: Performance Art Or Crazy People Masturbating? You Decide!

Has this ever happened to you? You're slung up on the interweb getting your jack on when you stumble across a nice hot vid of some other guy doing the same thing. Everything is hunky-dory, and since you've got a meeting in like ten minutes you've really gotta wrap it up, and you're almost there ... and then all of a sudden, the guy in the video pops a load on his cat or pulls a bottle of hairspray out of his ass, and you're all like, "Whoa, didn't see that coming," and the moment is pretty much gone? Well, that's exactly what happened to us with each of videos in today's roundup. (Not that it stopped us from, uh, continuing to pursue our goal-or missing the meeting, for that matter-but then we're trained professionals where these things are concerned.) See why amateur porn and surprises don't mix after the jump.

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MichaelOH seems like a pretty normal guy: thin, fuzzy, daddy-ish. He's a little exuberant, which is cool and all, but then things veer sharply toward performance art:

We'd probably put JorgePastel in the "performance art" category, too. We can totally identify with his appreciation for sibilant "big daddiess", but the mask begs the question: is he going for Ultraman or Mucha Lucha?

To be fair, Blazger didn't really surprise us. We know where he stands right from the start: squarely in Kinkville. The way we figure it, he's either a really pumped-up mascot, or that guy at the grocery store handing our samples in a Tony the Tiger suit. We hope it's the latter, because we love breakfast.

Rezzers might be is the most disturbing of all, since his deception plays out like an M. Night Shamalamawhatshisname screenplay, but slightly more engaging (and way better acted). He starts off pretty normal-cute guy in a cowboy hat, stripping on a bed. Bread is kind of a strange soundtrack choice, but whatever. The guy's got a nice body, and although he'd kinda small down there, we're pretty sure he's a grower, and then THINGS GO HORRIBLY WRONG:

We want to understand, people. Please, help us understand.