“French Bottom Boys” Sparks International Booty Showdown

Way back on President's Day, we cast aspersions on the citizenship of an allegedly American booty. True, the ass in question was spread-eagled on Old Glory, but we thought the buns were a little slim to be truly American: either someone wasn't eating enough hot dogs and apple pie, or someone had a little Canadian in him. (Then again, with Canadians like Brent Everett walking around, who wouldn't?) Well hold the phone, Betsy Ross, because--are you ready?--we may have been wrong!

We can't believe it either. But over the weekend (by coincidence, another national holiday) we stumbled across the cover for USA Jock's new, non-USA-themed release, "French Bottom Boys", and now we don't know what to think. Just look at that purportedly Gallic beau cul, sprawled across its own flag, ready to give it up for one and all like a horned-up Kiki de Montparnasse on D-Day. So hot ... and yet, somehow it looks more like the beefy American ass of our daydreams than the American ass next to it. While we still can't verify the nationalities of either, that doesn't stop us from conducting a cheeky cheek-to-cheek comparison of the two keesters:

• The French have a saying that as they get older, women must choose between the face or the fanny--that is, whether to have wrinkle-free skin or to gain weight and pad out the crevices. Which is to say, Frenchie and his compatriots may have a tiny bit more padding. But they may also be prettier to French kiss while they're cushionin' your pushin'.

• On the other hand, judging from the light levels and skin tone, America is at the forefront of Photoshop technology! So who cares what the guys look like in real life?

• The American ass in question could hail from Colorado. Just sayin'.

We're still crunching data on this pressing matter. Anything you'd care to add to our research, please do so below!

[Ed. note: we would love to show you that French butt in greater detail, but we couldn't find a better photo. Maybe there's on on the USAJock.com, but the front page of their [curiously arranged] website asks visitors to confirm that "I am not a reporter, writer, or agent for any news or media organization" ... and we would never lie to a website. Never!]

• "French Bottom Boys" (@ PornTeam.com)