Getting Into The Biz, Getting More Out Of The Biz, And Getting Your Biz On

Thinking about becoming a escort? Thinking about hiring an escort? Wondering why you're not making more as an escort? The Old Whore has all the answers, and he's willing to share. Read on and get educated. (And, up next week: dating a hustler and tranny scenes).

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I've considered selling myself lately, you know with the economy and all. I'm very vanilla when it comes to sex. I don't really enjoy bottoming and I'm not into swallowing. Really don't like to perform oral on anyone but like it done to me. I guess I'm a pushy top. I'm thin, young and not some menacing bear, so, do you think there is an audience for me?

First and foremost: Stay in school, get a real job and just say no.

That aside, if you're serious about making a career change, you have to start by focusing on your strengths, not your weaknesses. Is there an audience for you? Kiddo, I once knew a 400lb cross dresser with a glandular problem who made six-figures. There's a market for everyone. If you're a lazy piece of twinky bed lettuce who just wants to lay there and shriek 'Suck it!' (I'm paraphrasing here) then that's how you need to sell yourself. I can see ads for you as "Little Dynamite! Twink Top for Teasing and Torture!" or some other such crap. As long as you stay out of my market, got that? And don't worry about being too vanilla, in a month or two you'll be as big a pig as the rest. In this business, you have to walk before you can crawl.

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I started working when I moved to NYC last year. I dance at a club and do sessions from online ads. I like this life and I'm dating a guy who is also in it. We're thinking of leaving LA and starting an upscale gay hotel that includes an in-house escort service. Is there anywhere in the United States where prostitution is legal?

I would rather own a Subway franchise in Queens than a bed & breakfast –slash- brothel, but to each his own. Legal prostitution is a muddy area. Everyone knows that it's legal in Nevada but do they know it's only in certain counties and then at the county's discretion? Las Vegas is in Clark County where prostitution is illegal although the current mayor, Oscar Goodman, supports decriminalization. Within an hour's drive of Vegas there are counties that would let you set up a legal house but the regulations are extremely difficult. This isn't a business built exclusively on handshakes and elbow grease, it takes lots of money. If you're looking to leave the desert air behind, Rhode Island has a screwy legal system that makes accepting money-for-sex legal as long as you're not doing street corner pickups. Find a place on the historic East Side, not far from the emo-queer packed Rhode Island School of Design, and start picking out guest-room hand towels.

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Gay hookers are charging 250 dollars for sex???? Bullshit. Where? I'm in NYC and I get $100 and I'm versatile, 23 and Latino. If I was a blond I'd get more?

Young man, the problem here is your attitude. You need to get some self esteem CD's and take a course in supply-side economics. You can blame your problems on outside forces like sexual prejudices, but before you play that card, ask yourself: Are you watching your carbs? Have you been missing gym sessions? Are you just kinda fugly? It's always easier to see the splinter in our enemies' eye while we ignore the log stuffed in our own.

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I have never paid for sex but I'm really into the idea. I'm afraid of all the listings I see on the web. How can you tell a real hustler from a cop? Is it true they have to tell you if you ask them directly if they're cops?

I understand exactly what you mean. I can't make a date on Craigslist without fearing that creepy voiced guy from Dateline won't be behind the door. The web is full of 'erotic' services and offers of 'companionship' but never forget the very real threat of entrapment. For reasons that I will never understand, certain police agencies insist on producing elaborate public stings that make great TV and bad public policy. Sadly, the old, "Are you now or have you ever been a member of the city or state police department?" is not a reliable way of insuring you don't have a sheep in wolf's clothing. Law officers are not required to answer truthfully in all states and worse, they rarely do since once you've been booked and brought before a judge, who do you think they are going to believe? The gay hooker in jail or the straight guy with the firearm? The only reliable way I've discovered is to ask them to show you their dick. Under no circumstances are the police allowed to show their junk. Another good one? Ask for a big tongue kiss before discussing anything. It doesn't change the legal game playing but it's a major buzzkill for cops who get off on hassling hustlers.

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Previously: Ask The Old Whore Archive