Six Reasons Porn Stars Should Stick To Fucking, Not Singing

Just like actors who want to direct, gay porn stars really want to be pop singers. We have one word of advice for anyone thinking about making the switch: don't. And we have evidence to back up our claim.

Here are some of the worst recent singles by current and former gay porn stars. They're all pretty bad. In fact, none of them are better than Jeff Stryker's infamous novelty country tune "Pop You in the Pooper", which might be the Platonic ideal of a perfect gay porn star single. And these aren't nearly all of them. If we've forgotten some, let us know or leave the info in the comments.

This is Colt man Mitch Branson's new single "Control Me." The rhymes are a little painful, and it makes it even worse that they appear on screen during the video.

Frederick Ford's new single "Live of the Party" should be dead on arrival, but the video is actually kinda cute, with Ford playing an old man and an old lady watching his video.

Falcon couple Aden and Jordan Jaric's song "Hit Me Up" doesn't have a bad beat, but these two should stick to banging each other and leave the singing to the professionals.

Kirk Cummings was one of the infamous "losers" during "American Idol" auditions. He really showed it to Simon Cowell by releasing some singles of his own, including "Badass." Now that he's proved the nasty Brit wrong, can he just go back to being a twink power bottom.

OK, Johnny Hazzard's song "Deeper Into You" is the exception that proves the rule. It's a pretty good track. The video, however, looks like a '90s commercial for a 1-900 sex line. See, we just can't win.

Colton Ford has been trying to make his music career happen for even longer than he was a porn star. He's got a good voice, but after all these years, it just doesn't seem like it's gonna happen. Here's his new cover of "Losing My Religion."