What The Hell Are They Feeding These Teenagers Anyway?

July 23, 2010
CALAMITOUS

Tristen Escolastico is a model and sometimes bodybuilder and he's 19-years-old. Nineteen. What in the hell? When we were 19 we were chubby and weak and our diet mainly consisted of un-toasted strawberry Pop-Tarts.

When Taylor Lautner first appeared on the scene as a major player in the cabal of drool-worthy Twilight stars, we thought he was a total anomaly. Yeah, teenagers are hot-there are thousands of 16-year-old models currently being exploited by the fashion industry who could vouch for that-but they're generally not so…huge. Even with the buff Lautner, our fantasies always consisted of playing gentle instructor to his innocent sexual ingénue. This guy, on the other hand, looks like he'd sooner hog-tie and fuck the shit out of us as he would look at us. Or so we hope.