The Top Ten Classic Homoerotic Movies That Need Sequels

Homosexuals rejoice! Paramount Pictures is working on a sequel to "Top Gun," one of the most intensely homoerotic mainstream films ever made. Hey Paramount, if you're in the mood to fulfill more wishes today, we have a few suggestions!

Top Gun: Paramount's already got the right idea here. If you're going to start a series of homoerotic movie sequels, then "Top Gun" is the clear first choice. All you need is a new cast of hot, young actors with convincingly devil-may-care attitudes, and a new beach volleyball scene, but make it like 20 minutes long, and in 3D.

Batman & Robin: Yes, this is where the original Batman films turned from an awesomely gothic surrealist rollercoaster and into a badly acted big budget shitfest, but if Nolan's not going to put Robin back in his films then somebody has to bring the sexy twink wonder back to the big screen. And come on! Nipple suits. Nipple suits.

Showdown In Little Tokyo: "Kenner, just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man." Wait, no, you cannot just make a comment like that and then proceed to kill bad guys. We need at least two movies to explore all the homoerotic subtext.

Three Men And A Baby: This comedic classic follows the adventures of three New York City bachelors who must struggle to rearrange their lives when a baby is dropped on their doorstep. It's like "Knocked Up" for repressed homosexuals! Nix the subplot about the mom, toss in a sexy scene where the three men affirm their love for one another during a sensual, candlelit ménage á trois, and you'll be laughing all the way to the bank.

Predator: No need to write a new screenplay, hire new actors, or even film any new footage. Just loop this scene over and over and over again in crystal clear high definition. A few close ups, some throbbing house music, and you've got movie gold on your hands.

Rocky III: This one is kind of a gamble because, honestly, we don't know if there's a man alive who can work a crop top like Carl Weathers.

Return Of The King: This one might be too easy.

Rebel Without A Cause: Yes, we know all about the upcoming James Dean biopic , but if anything that means that now could be a better time than ever to get started on a "Rebel Without A Cause" sequel. Just get James Franco to take over Dean's character who's now a few years older, out of the closet, and trolling bathhouses in 1960s San Francisco. The screenplay will practically write itself!

Querelle: This stunningly bizarre surreal and bizarre film follows the pansexual adventures of the handsome sailor Georges Querelle is a cult classic, and in a way already has it's sequel, if you call every gay porno ever a sequel. Beef it up with some mainstream actors and a bigger budget and you could have a hit on your hands!

The Craft: Because lesbians deserve crappy Hollywood remakes, too. Even we want to see a raunchy foursome between these wiccan friends. We bet Manon gives really good oral.