If Sex Positioning Is An Art, Kristen Bjorn Is An Abstract Expressionist

He may not be exploding conventions of form and representation, but in this scene from Bjorn's new movie, "Costa Brava: The Wild Coast," he does manage to shove four guys into positions that seem to defy logic and physics.

Okay, so he's no Picasso, but even the snobbiest of art snobs would have to admit that the above image is pretty fucking crazy. What would one even call this position? "The Gravy Train" springs to mind for some reason. Or what about "The Stopgap?" This poor guy does have every orifice save for his nostrils completely. Catchy, huh? If nothing else, these shots have shown us that our sexual lexicon is woefully lacking. This second image of a more…uh…conservative double-penetration may not be as complex as the first, but it leaves us at a similar loss for words. Maybe "The Turkey Stuffing?" Why is that our every other idea is Thanksgiving themed?

And then there's this gem, which is not so much a sex position as it is a sexual formation. We're thinking about calling this one "The Mirror-Mirror" or "The Pantomime." The rule here is that you and your partner have to follow the opposing team's every movement, like in the acting exercise. We can imagine it now: "Thrust, thrust, wave! Thrust, thrust, thrust, throw your head back in ecstasy! Thrust, thrust, ass-slap! Pay attention goddamn it!"

· Kristen Bjorn (kristenbjorn.com)