Our Homoerotic Study Guide To Turkish Oil Wrestling

February 18, 2011
CEDRIC-DEWITTISON

To win in Turkish Oil Wresting, you've got to more or less fondle another man's cock or ass. Sounds like no one's a loser. Let's look at the reasons why the world's most macho sport has so much gay.

The sport has been played consistently every year since 1362, making it the world's longest running sanctioned sports competition. That's gayness steeped in centuries of tradition. These muscle gods oil each other up and grapple in grass at the famous, annual Kırkpınar tournament, in the Turkish City of Edirne. A round trip flight on Turkish Airlines, please! Most of these surly men are surely hetero, yet they passionately engage in a titillating, blatantly homoerotic game that would make any American wrestler blanch. Our photo gallery explains why there's so much homo in the sport.

The Homo Factor: The games start off with the men lovingly oiling up their competitor's brawny chest.
The Reason: It shows mutual respect and creates a harmonious balance between competitors. We thinks it always causes more than one erection. Curiously, the oil is basic olive oil. Delish!
The Homo Factor: The men must wear cute skin-hugging leather pants.
The Reason: Tradition, mainly. The pants are called a "kispet," and they are purposely tight and well-tied to make it difficult to reach into. These boys ain't giving up the goods for free. You've gotta werq!
The Homo Factor: Guys put their hands down each others' pants.
The Reason: That's how you win! That's why the pants are so tight. The farther you get your arm down, the more of a winner you are! To think Manhattan's gays have been naturally practicing this every weekend at The Cock.
Here's a rear winner.
Score!
Add this to the list of Scary Positions.
The Homo Factor: Wrestlers kiss each other.
The Reason: If a younger man defeats an older man, the younger man kisses the older man...on the hand. It's a sign of respect in Turkey. We like to think it leads to pictures like this one, lazing in a grassy field, gazing into each others' eyes.