Mason Will Show His Private Sex Tapes In Exchange For Your Twitter Soul

March 1, 2011
CEDRIC-DEWITTISON

That's right! Our favorite Queen Bee of the Porn Sluts has been sitting on his stash of private sex tapes that he now wants to show you. Wanna see? All you gotta do is follow him on Twitter. Easy peasy!

Well, you and 20,000 of your friends! As of us typing this, his Twitter feed has only 4,134 followers, so he's asking me and you and him and her and shim and it and anything with opposable thumbs that can type into a computer, iPhone or Blackberry to please, please, pleeeeeease follow him on Twitter. Because, once he has reached 25,000 followers, then, and only then, will he unveil to the public the Fort Knox of personally filmed porn he's had buried miles underneath the ground, and share it for all the poor, starving gays from Chicago to Sri Lanka to finally jack off too. His blog has stills from one such tape, lit with a ghostly yellow. We won't comment on the absence of a condom... Whoops, I guess we did.

This guy's like the Madonna of gay porn. As soon as the career's in a slump, he dreams up some insane publicity stunt to get back into the spotlight. A year from now, expect him to adopt a cuddly orangutan from the San Diego Zoo to hold up placards introducing his sex scenes.