Let the Boys Have Their Orgy, Lady!

March 3, 2011
CEDRIC-DEWITTISON

Endlessly frustrating are the drunken nights when you're hanging with a bunch of horny boys in a bud's apartment, and one silly faghag refuses to leave. Girl, when the guys have stripped down and you're fully clothed, time—to—go.

This spread by photog Matthias Vreins-McGrath illustrates a paradox of gay guy/straight girl friendships. We love our hags, really we do, but nothing's worse than hitting on a dude while your dudette keeps horning in on the conversation, or some hunk's picking you up, and your gal pal won't go powder her nose. Girlfriends need to know when to beat it.

Now, to the casual eye, the near naked boys in the pictures may seem straight (HAHAHAHAHA!) because they're ignoring each other and hungrily eying the lone, clothed glam girl. In reality, they are burrowing holes through her head with their eyes, saying, "Damn, bitch, leave already!" What she mistakes as being the fabulous female center of attention is really the incredulous glares of five men ready to tear off their undies and fuck, rim and suck. No Girls Allowed. (No offense.)

So the lesson for the ladies is: when you find yourself in a room full of 'mos stripped down with lust in their eyes, that's the time to fix your make-up, grab your purse, and politely say bye-bye. The following morning, your 'mo will tell you all the juicy deets over mimosas, and love you all the more. Kisses!